The B.E.T.H. Approach

January Book Review - Without a Map by Meredith Hall

2012-01-31T17:22:00.000-07:00

I did it! I read a book this month. Woohoo! I decided that I'll review them here since reading is something that is helping me recover my neurological health and my sense of self post brain injury since I used to be an avid reader. It will also keep me accountable to my goal of reading a book per month. And, I just joined a book club that will meet at an awesome local restaurant and we will be reading books pertaining to food and sustainability so the rest of my book reviews will be more relevant to my blog content.

That said, this book doesn't fall into any health/food/exercise/weight loss categories, but it was a poignant read so I wanted to share. Without a Map by Meredith Hall is an incredibly moving memoir about her experience of giving a baby up for adoption at age 16 and reuniting with him 21 years later.

I have nothing but praise for this book. It is an extraordinarily honest account, and extremely well written. I loved the way the chapters sort of floated back and forth in time and weren't told chronologically. It was like following the bouncing around of memories in her head.

I don't know that I've ever mentioned my own story on this blog (I know I have on my other one), but I got pregnant the first time I had sex at the age of 18. I always joke that I openly share that information as both a humorous and cautionary tale. I wasn't forced to give my baby up for adoption, so I couldn't fully relate to the pain that Meredith went through there, but I absolutely related to her feelings of shame, fear, and confusion at finding herself pregnant as a teen. I found myself catching my breath at several points, and just allowing the catharsis of letting all those old feelings that I never truly dealt with come up. I cried at several points as well, and there are very few books that I can say have moved me as deeply. I want to thank Meredith for sharing her story, because it helped me really feel and let go of some old wounds. However, it also reminded me that it's okay to hold onto some things:

"Events and our participation in them are not erased. Memory remains, the obsessive images we circle, struggling to make meaning. The uneasy remembering transforms pain into sorrow, and sorrow into love. There can be no oblivion."

Childhood Obesity Part II - Get Moving!

2012-01-25T11:55:00.001-07:00

An article in the L.A. Times this week posits that parental involvement may help kids overcome obesity. Why do we need studies to tell us this? I understand that obesity has become an epidemic in this country and we all want solutions, but we don't need studies to determine common sense. That said, if some people do need a study to confirm what they should be doing, okay then. Whatever it takes!

This post is my long overdue second installment about childhood obesity. You can read Part I here. Changing habits and getting into better routines is hard, but my family is an example that it can be done.

It's been almost 3 years since I walked out of my endocrinologist's office with a diagnosis of Polycystic Ovary Syndrome and a determined outlook. My kids have never been obese, let alone overweight, but I can tell you some of the changes that I've seen as I changed first mine and then the entire family's diet and activity level:

- Mikaela's asthma has all but disappeared. We had been eating better for about a year and I noticed a gradual improvement in her asthma symptoms and her GERD (reflux) symptoms. I decided to follow my gut and take her off her daily antacid. She had an immediate growth spurt and an even more dramatic change for the better in her asthma and reflux symptoms. A couple of months later I took her off her daily steroid inhaler, and we have never looked back. It could absolutely be coincidental and perhaps she was growing out of her asthma on her own, but to see her go from having severe asthma and reflux to only having to occasionally use her Albuterol inhaler before exercise or when she has a cold has felt like nothing short of a miracle. (Please consult with your doctor before making any medication changes.)

- My kids hardly ever get sick, and when they do they get over things more quickly than they did before. This goes for me too. I used to have a horrible immune system, and if the kids got sick I would almost always be guaranteed to get it too and for me it would often linger and turn into a sinus or ear infection. I've had one sinus infection in the last two years. Huge improvement. Mikaela used to be the most "sickly" person in our family, now she is the one least likely to get something that's going around.

- We are more active individually and as a family. Mikaela is an avid swimmer and has swimming and/or P.E. everyday at her awesome school. Sofia joined gymnastics about 10 months ago and it is a great outlet for her physically and socially. Both girls have been going to kids yoga classes at Harmony Yoga, and we sometimes do yoga together at home though we need to more often. I am obviously WAY more active and healthy than I used to be, and even Alex who is blessed to be able to maintain his weight without too much effort, has noticed a difference in how he feels and looks.

This list is Denver/CO specific, but here are some free and low cost ideas for getting moving with your family:

- Ice Skating at Skyline Park - $2 skate rental; free if you bring your own skates. Open through February 14th.

- Denver Zoo Free Days - you can get a great walking workout in!

- Find your local recreation center and go swimming, or sign the kid(s) up for a class and utilize the weight room while they are there!

- Go hiking! We love the area around Red Rocks.

- Go for a walk or run together in your neighborhood.

- Ride bikes. Wear your helmets, please!

- Make an obstacle course indoors or out and have races.

- Make a circuit workout for the whole family, put on some fun music and GO! Some ideas for the different stations: jumprope, trampoline, dancing, crunches, push-ups, walking/running in place, stairs, light hand weights.

- Play on the playground together. Don't just sit and watch the kids! Jump in. One of our favorite playground games is to pretend that the play structure is our pirate ship and the gravel the ocean. You'd be amazed at how much running, jumping, and pretend sword fighting it takes to successfully be a playground pirate.

- Practice yoga together, at a studio or at home.

- And one that we do often - DANCE PARTY!

Moving together as a family is good for everyone, on so many levels! Get out there and go! How do you get moving with your family, and if you don't, how do you plan to?

2012 Goals and Plans

2012-01-23T12:07:00.003-07:00

I'm finally able to take a moment to write this post! We had an exchange student for two weeks who left on Saturday, and yesterday I had a much needed "bed day" due to doing way too much lately. My headache was atrocious, but after resting all day and sleeping 11 hours (!) I'm feeling much better. I had to medicate more than usual yesterday (I usually just take a bit of tincture or a sliver of an edible before bed to help with pain and insomnia) and I was laughing in the evening because I got a major case of the munchies and ate (a lot) of Dubliner Irish cheese, tortilla chips, a spoonful of (fruit juice sweetened) fudge and two squares of dark chocolate for dinner. Healthy!

My weight has been fluctuating between 140-145lbs since the holidays. I decided to try the pill for my endometriosis symptoms and acne (which is WAY worse at the moment so hoping everything settles down in the next couple months) and it is affecting my weight a bit. My boobs are bigger, which is the only side effect of the pill that I like. I'm actually filling out my 34b bras. Woot!

So. Anyway. 2012 goals. I've come up with a few. I have been attaching a word to each year since I've been on this journey to health, as anyone who has been reading for awhile knows. They were:

2008 - Disintegration
2009 - Transformation
2010 - Awakening
2011 - Radiance

I want 2012 to be a year of Sculpting. I'm happy with my weight and I've been maintaining at or below my goal weight for almost a year now. However, I've lost some strength and muscle since I haven't been able to really work out in the last 10 months. I have to rethink the forms of exercise that I can do since I still can't jump on my Cellerciser or do any form of cardio that's "bouncy."

I feel like I'm getting a redo of last year since all my fitness goals were pushed to the side so that I could rehabilitate from my brain injury. Last year's goals were:

1. Trampoline - 3x/week - start with 10 minutes and gradually increase.
2. Treadmill - 2x/week - at 24hr Fitness. I'll start out with walking two miles and go from there.
3. Yoga - 1x/week - at 24hr Fitness. I really need to use my membership. It's totally going to waste and it expires in June and I'm not planning on renewing.
4. Walk/Run the Bolder Boulder in May. Last year I got sidelined by an injury but this year I'm going for it.
5. Pole Dancing/Fitness Classes - I bought a Living Social coupon for three classes awhile ago and it expires in March so I need to get them in. I think I'm going to try the "Strip Hop" class because I really love to dance. Hopefully I don't fall in love with it because I don't think it's going to be in the budget to continue taking classes!
6. Floss at least once a day.
7. No alcohol for the month of January, and maybe longer if I am feeling really great while off of it.

I no longer have a 24hr Fitness membership, and trampoline is out. I have not been doing a good job of flossing. I had quite a bit of alcohol in December but just a couple of drinks here and there this month. I actually went to a pole dancing class this last Friday night, and loved it. I got pretty dizzy since we were doing a lot of spins, but I am hoping to go to some of the other classes like lap dance/burlesque/flexibility and conditioning and gradually work up to some more pole classes. So without further ado -

2012 goals:

1. One fitness class at Tease every other week, and gradually go more often as I can.

2. Yoga classes at least 2x/week. One Restorative class and one more challenging class such as Slow Flow, Hatha, or Gentle Yoga.

3. Yoga at home at least 1x/week. I have all the props I need and a few good videos, but need to actually DO IT.

4. Walk 1-2x/week. I can currently do about 2 miles at a moderate pace without any bad brain injury setbacks. So I'll start there and gradually work my way up.

5. Floss. (Why can't I get into this habit??)

6. Get my eating back on track. As you all know I went a little crazy over the holidays. I've been having little bits of sugar and white flour this month but want to completely cut them out again. I just feel better when I do. I'm on the fence about dairy. I've definitely been having too much, so I need to cut back, but not sure I want to cut it out completely. Maybe limit it to a few servings a week.

7. Read one book per month. This shouldn't be hard, but it feels challenging with the brain injury. I've been trying to get through one book for three months and I'm not even to page 200. I started a new book a few days ago and it is a bit more engrossing so I'm hoping to finish it before the end of this month so it will be my January book.

8. Do my Lumosity brain training more often, ideally daily. I notice a difference when I do this regularly, so I really need to make it a habit.

I am not putting the Bolder Boulder on my list this year, since I did the last two years and had major injuries preceding it.

So that's it! How about you? What are your 2012 goals?

Time Flies

2011-12-30T14:53:00.000-07:00

It's hard to believe that 2011 is over already! I had a blast this holiday season. I had sugar, white flour, alcohol, dairy...and I simply let go of guilt and just enjoyed it. While it was very fun and delicious, I have to admit that from a physical standpoint I felt pretty crummy the entire month of December. It's hard to know if my fatigue and nausea were due to my poor diet, my continued brain injury recovery, the stress of the holidays, or all of the above. Or possibly the fact that I didn't go to yoga once. Oh wait, I went on Friday. So one time. Yay me.

I had a good year, all things considered. I enjoyed working towards radiance with you all. Yes, I got somewhat sidelined by injury but that made me work even harder to find my inner shine! In the next few days I'd like to mull over what my goals and aspirations are for 2012, and I will certainly keep you all in the loop. I definitely want to take my passion for healthy eating and living to a place where it is extending more outward. I want to help people somehow, but I'm not yet sure exactly what that's going to look like. And of course I have health and exercise goals as well. With the holidays over I should be able to find a free hour or two in the next few days to figure out exactly what they are. Should.

Cheers to a New Year!!

P.S. The blog has a new look! Let me know what you think.

Mindful Mondays: Managing Pain

2011-11-21T14:04:00.001-07:00

I have been in a lot of pain for a very long time and I think it's starting to wear on my very soul. It definitely explains almost a full month of not posting here! I know I've chronicled my brain injury saga here, but I haven't mentioned that I've also had some lower back/tailbone pain that has become excruciating in the last several months. It started several months before I even hit my head, and I had an xray maybe 6 or 7 months ago that didn't show anything. A couple of weeks ago I let my doctor know that it had gotten much worse and was basically continuous pain, and she ordered a CT scan.

It turns out I have a central disc extrusion, which may be contributing to my pain. It may not be, which is the frustrating thing about back pain. Anyway, long story short, I am going to try a steroid injection to help the pain and inflammation, and I'm going to continue with massage therapy and I plan to get back into chiropractic care and hopefully acupuncture as well.

I think the hardest thing about chronic pain is accepting it as part of your life and part of who you are. I don't want to be in pain, so I try to just ignore it. That doesn't work, especially as it gets more severe. I gave up on taking over the counter pain pills because they weren't working at all and I figured I was just destroying my stomach and liver. I did however make the decision to get my medical marijuana card, and it has made a huge difference for me. I mainly use it at night and I am sleeping WAY better than I was, which makes it possible for me to have much better days. It really helps with the insomnia from the brain injury, and it finally broke the headache cycle from this last brain injury relapse. That was a major relief. A nonstop headache for 6 weeks was not fun!

Despite being in pain I had a lovely Thanksgiving. I have some recipes to share so I'll get those posted tomorrow. Here's a little sneak peak:

Mindful Mondays: Mindful Fun

2011-10-31T06:00:00.000-06:00

Sometimes when life isn't going the way you planned you have to intentionally carve out time for having fun. We had planned an 80s Halloween Party for this last Friday night several weeks before I fell ill and I was tempted to cancel it but instead decided to rest as much as possible beforehand and just go for it.

It was a lot of fun. I took it pretty easy. I did have a couple of drinks, but honestly they help the headache, I think because of the muscle relaxant effect. I also had an atomic fireball, one of my favorite 80s treats. I love those things. Cinnamon candy was always my favorite. Fireballs, Red Hots, cinnamon hard candies...YUM. Being off sugar for so long has really made me lose my taste for most sweet things, but apparently not for cinnamony sweet things. I enjoyed the heck out of that fireball, and had two more last night. A fun, yummy, and nostalgic treat.

Alex went for the Miami Vice look. I realized that I would totally wear this outfit minus the tight rolled jeans, and in fact I bought the vest (which is actually a coat - the sleeves zip off - so 80s!) to use this season.

My insolent 80s teen and I. I told her to look "unaffected." She's got it down.

Bubble Yum, Atomic Fireballs, candy necklaces and huge jawbreakers. Blast from the past!

My little 80s rock star.

Have a happy and safe Halloween. And I'm intentionally not throwing "healthy" in there. It's Halloween. Eat some candy. Have some fun!

What to Wear Wednesdays: Weddings!

2011-10-26T19:47:00.000-06:00

So I probably mentioned the fun wedding we went to about a month ago. Our friends Dylan and Sara got married, and we had a grand time at their celebration. (Open bar - so GOOD and so BAD.)

I apologize for the photo quality. I forgot to bring my own camera and they had disposable ones at the tables, which we all had a great time with! I just wanted to show off my little blue dress (That I got at Goodwill for $5! The tag says "Fire Los Angeles." I have no idea if that's a good brand, but I LOVE the dress!)

Being silly with a friend, but you can see the dress. I don't have any pictures of the back. It's mostly open but ties at my mid back. Super cute.

Dancin' with my hubby. I paired the dress with Eddie Bauer strappy sandals in "pewter." And at that point in the evening I needed my little black sweater/cardigan thingy. The venue was covered but open air.

My good friend Caleb and I. Isn't he adorable? You can kind of see the dangly silver earrings I wore, which incidentally came from Los Angeles. My mother-in-law bought them for me.

Ooo-la-la! (I'm adding this one since you can see the blue streaks in my hair.)

Taking Care of Myself

2011-10-25T20:37:00.001-06:00

I just got home from getting a massage and I can't tell you how much better I feel than I did yesterday!

Over the last two months I was really feeling better and sort of slacked off with the treatments that were helping my recovery; mainly massage and restorative yoga. I also fell off the nutrition bandwagon a few weeks ago with a few fun days of drinking and eating whatever I wanted. I think all of that, along with being extremely stressed and busy, was just a recipe for disaster.

So now I'm forced into taking it easy again but also into getting back into a routine of self-care. So I will be getting a weekly massage for the next several weeks and then I will reassess where I'm at and maybe spread it out to every two weeks. I will also be back in restorative yoga starting Sunday afternoon. I'm going to try to make it at least weekly and twice a week if I can. I'm also trying to get back into better eating habits, but may need to wait for the nausea to subside since I am just eating whatever I can get down. Today it was half an acorn squash with coconut oil and sea salt, half a carrot, a few potato chips, a slice of organic turkey and a bowl of vegetarian chili for dinner. Not horrible; not great.

Slowly but surely I'll come out of this relapse, and I'll do a better job of keeping up with caring for myself even when I'm feeling good.

I've got some positivity back today! Hopefully it lasts.

Mindful Mondays: Positivity

2011-10-24T21:29:00.000-06:00

F&%$ it. Positivity, I mean, because I ain't got it.

I have been doing next to NOTHING for over a week now and at the moment my head feels like it's going to explode and I feel like puking all.the.time. I think, "Maybe if I eat I won't feel like puking." So then I look for something to eat that looks at least a little appetizing and nothing does, but I eat anyway and for about 20 minutes I am happy because I don't feel like puking. And then the nausea comes back and makes me want to cry.

Every symptom has come back. Every single one. Headache, nausea, dizziness, memory problems, ears ringing, vision issues, floaters in my eye, difficulty concentrating and remembering how to do things, disorientation...blah blah blah and so on and so forth.

It's a fun life I'm leading right now, people. A fun life.

I may not be very positive but at least I'm honest, right? Agree with me, even if you're lying.

The only thing I'm feeling positive about is that since all I can do for 20 hours a day is lie around I've been able to get hooked on a new TV show. I'm halfway through season two of Weeds. It's a good show.

Yesterday I told myself to get an attitude adjustment and I forced myself to list all the things I'm grateful for right now. It was a decent list, but today my attitude has shifted back to, "I hate this f-ing brain injury."

And I'm okay with that. Maybe I'll find some more positivity tomorrow. And maybe, just maybe, I won't feel like puking.

Here are a couple of pre-crash pictures from the weekend before last. Alex and I went to a Halloween party that ended up sucking so we left the party, ate at Qdoba and then went home. But we still managed to have a good time. Because we have positivity. I am the (Sexy) Positivity Fairy. (And yes, I recycled last year's costume after my vampire fangs wouldn't work.)

And this guy, he's all kinds of positive. Obviously.

Sigh.

2011-10-17T10:59:00.000-06:00

I had a lovely Coming of Age Ceremony for my daughter's 13th birthday on Saturday. I spent the whole week previous planning and buying and writing and baking. It was a beautiful event, and then yesterday I crashed and burned. My brain injury symptoms came back in full force and I spent the day in bed. I haven't felt so badly in at least a couple of months. It's very frustrating that I can feel so badly again, but I suppose that is the nature of the brain injury beast. I slept 10 hours last night and I feel a little better today (my ears aren't ringing - yay!) but I know if I don't rest for the next few days and limit my driving as much as possible I will only get worse instead of better.

So it's bed rest for me again! Hopefully I will be up and at 'em by the end of the week, but I will be taking it easy for as long as necessary. Brain injuries STINK.

Hi, My Name is Beth...

2011-10-07T13:03:00.001-06:00

...and I am a sexybootaholic. My addiction is so bad, I squealed with glee when a large box was delivered to my house this morning, then proceeded to take pictures as I opened it up:

The anticipation is almost too much.

Covered in paper; can't even see them yet.

The big reveal.

Aaahhhhhhhh.

I already have a pair of sexy brown boots that I bought a few weeks ago, but every fashionista knows you need both brown and black, right? My husband likes to point out that I already own both brown and black boots that I've been wearing for the last two years, but when I bought them I was heavier and had to buy "extended calf" sizing. As you all know, my calves have gotten much slimmer and I totally deserve a prize for that, hence two pairs of new sexy boots! Here are the brown ones, which I am totally in love with:

I also own a pair of brown snow boots with fur that I got last year, just above the ankle open toe boots in both black and gray, and a pair of black Ugg knockoffs. So many boots: so.much.joy. I'm not giving up this addiction any time soon. Sorry, Alex. If it helps, I got them on sale.

I'm sexy and I know it. ;-)

Didn't Quite Make It

2011-10-06T09:36:00.001-06:00

Last night we got free tickets to go see the musical Hair, and I was hungry before it was time to go so I had half a vegan burrito bowl from Chipotle. (Brown rice, black beans, tomato and green salsas, lettuce, guac.) It was sooooo good, and I was glad I ate or I would have been dizzy and grumpy during the show. It was fun!

I'm glad I did this little fast to get back on track. I feel more in control now, and more aware of what my body is capable of. I'm looking forward to continuing to increase my physical activity as my brain injury symptoms subside. I'd really like to go back to Tease Studio for some classes once I'm able. I went to a couple before I hit my head, and they were really fun.

I'm so glad to be feeling more like myself again!

Almost There!

2011-10-05T07:46:00.003-06:00

Today is Day 3 of my fast. I just weighed and I'm down 3lbs to 137. Oops! Hopefully my clothes will still fit. Yesterday I broke my fast a bit. I had a carrot and a handful of sunflower seeds before yoga because I didn't want to pass out during class. I'm glad I did that because I did get pretty dizzy. I also had an apple before bed just because I needed some sustenance and I didn't want any more juice. This morning I'm actually craving some juice. I added grapefruit in yesterday and loved it! I'm a big grapefruit juice fan (my usual drink when I'm out is a Greyhound; grapefruit juice and vodka.) Don't worry, I didn't add any vodka. Tempting, though. Haha.

The first day I felt really tired and sluggish, but yesterday I felt really energetic until the late afternoon when a headache started to come on. Today I feel energetic again, so hopefully it will last. My skin is healing up - yay!

Detox Time!

2011-10-02T16:17:00.002-06:00

My friend Jenn over at Ex Hot Girl just started a juice fast today, and I think I'm going to jump in too. I'll be starting tomorrow. I had a crazy fun time last week, and somehow ended up drinking (a lot) four nights in a row. I NEVER do that, especially since the brain injury. So yeah, fun times, but my body is going, "WTF, Beth?!" I feel like I undid some of the progress I was making with my candida issues, and my skin looks like crap. Well, my skin almost always looks like crap, but I woke up with a couple of zingers yesterday and I'm sure it's from all the alcohol. Oops.

So, I'm only going to do a three day juice fast to detox from my fun, and then I'm going to get back on the plan that my nutritionist made up for me. Jenn is doing a 15 day fast, but she's also trying to jump start weight loss again. I'm currently happy with my weight (140 as of today - 80lbs lost total!) and if I lose any more I'll have to buy new clothes again and I really like my current wardrobe!

My diet for the next three days is: juice, water, herbal tea. That's it. I'll be careful to stay really hydrated throughout. On the fourth day I plan to add in my usual breakfast smoothie, on the fifth day I'll add in a salad for lunch, then on the sixth day I'll add in a balanced dinner (organic protein, veggies, non-gluten grain.) So in a week I'll be back on my plan.

All of this...

In a cup!

Operation: RADIANT - Update

2011-09-24T11:35:00.000-06:00

I haven't given up on my 2011 goal of finding my authentic, beautiful, radiant self and being the person I want to be both inside and out. Yes, I was handed a huge challenge in the form of a mild traumatic brain injury, but I haven't let it stop me. I'm still not back to 100%, physically or mentally, and it's going to take some work to regain the level of fitness I was at pre-injury, but I know I can do it. I've done it before.

The main thing I wanted to share with you all today is that I finally accomplished one of the last things on my list that I made over two years ago. As of yesterday I have blue streaks in my hair!!!

I love it!! I've seriously been wanting to do it since I was 18. I told the hairdresser that and she said, "Well it's about freaking time!!" I agree. Despite everything I've been through this year, having blue hair has taken me one big step closer to RADIANT.

I've also dropped more weight, though I expect to gain once I can start working out in full force. I think I've mainly lost muscle tone, but I'm down to 141lbs. Hard for me to believe. 155lbs was my "let's be sensible about this" goal, 145lbs was my "ultimate" goal, and now I'm below that. Wow.

How are you all doing? Still working on letting your inner lights shine?? I hope so.

Hiya!

2011-09-06T19:08:00.002-06:00

As usual, my apologies for the lack of posts. Life has been busy! And good. Yesterday I hit TWO Goodwills in one day. They were having a "half off entire store" sale, and I had a blast. I spent about $50 and got a ton of great stuff, including...

This fork.

Yep. I bought a fork. Silly, right? I agree, but I found it and I like it and now it's mine! I know it sounds crazy, but sometimes something as silly as your own personal, pretty fork can make a difference in your eating habits and change the way you enjoy food. I love all things teal and turquoise, and looking at and using this fork makes me happy. And I believe it cost me one whole quarter. And as far as forks go it's pretty cool. It's a Fiesta fork.

In other news, my new diet is going well. Well, it goes well throughout the week and then I tend to cave on the weekend and eat things I shouldn't. But this last weekend I stuck with it. I'm trying really hard to stick with it 100% for at least the next two months. I am starting to see a difference in my skin and I want to continue to.

I was wanting some dessert the other night so I had this:

Half an acorn squash with coconut oil and sea salt. It was so good I forgot to take a picture until I'd finished it. And obviously I hadn't yet bought my special fork and had to make do with a plain old spoon.

In more other news, I joined and am now addicted to Pinterest. But I must say, it's made me more stylish! I am giving more thought to my outfits each day, and trying to make sure that what I wear feels good and reflects ME. That's cool. And fun. Do you Pin?

What to Wear Wednesdays: Inspiration

2011-08-24T18:00:00.000-06:00

I spent a good half hour this afternoon browsing through pictures at The Sartorialist. So much fun!

I got this great little dress at Goodwill a few days ago. I plan to wear it on a date with my honey this weekend. I'll get pics. Promise. I've been trying to decide what shoes to wear, but based on all the recent pictures at The Sartorialist I may take inspiration from them and just wear my sneakers.

And of course I continue to get inspiration from my little fashionista:

She got a haircut. So cute!

She doesn't do back to school; she does BAM! to school.

A New Plan

2011-08-17T07:00:00.001-06:00

Once again I apologize for the lapse. I've been crazy busy with the arrival of our new exchange student from China. For the first time since I hit my head I'm having to actually be on top of my life: meal planning, cooking, housecleaning, driving children here and there. Plus my oldest started the new school year on Monday, and my youngest is going to a once a week homeschooling enrichment program that starts next week. Busy times!

I am feeling pretty good from a brain injury standpoint. My headaches have been a little worse due to doing so much, but I rarely get episodes of vertigo any more, and same with nausea. I've noticed some memory and focus problems when I drive too much, so I'm trying to keep my driving to a 5 or 6 mile radius. However, some other health issues have me very frustrated. My hormones still seem to be out of whack and I am having yeast/candida issues, I think from the round of antibiotics I had to go on for a sinus infection a couple of months ago.

So last week I went to see a nutritionist. She's actually a friend that I went to high school with who has her own company and has authored a couple of books. My own approach worked very well for losing weight, but I'm at a point where I want to achieve the best health I possibly can. There's a possibility that I will simply never have clear skin no matter what I do, and I suppose I can blame that on genetics, but I want to try everything I can. I feel like I have tried everything topical or medical, and you would think being sugar/white flour free for so long would mean I don't have yeast issues, but such is life I suppose.

Sarah did up a personalized nutrition and supplement plan for me. It's dairy free (but she's put me on goat kefir and goat yogurt), gluten free, and free of my allergens. She utilizes a food combining approach and advocates eating raw as much as possible. So far it's been a little hard on my tummy, but I'm hoping that my body will get used to it over the next few weeks. The plan is actually not that far off from the way I normally eat. Dinner is really close to what I've always done: a serving of organic protein or wild caught fish, lots of lightly sauteed veggies, and a gluten free grain option like brown rice, quinoa, etc. Lunch is a nice big salad with tons of veggies and some protein, and breakfast is a green smoothie on most days and goat yogurt occasionally. I'm also juicing every morning and taking all the supplements she recommends, except I had an allergic reaction to the barley powder so I'm returning that one.

The differences are that I'm giving up wheat even though I only ate whole wheat, no more coffee (but I can have green tea and herbal tea), no more agave (only xylitol since I'm allergic to stevia) and I'm upping my veggie intake.

So that's my new plan! I'll keep you all updated on how it goes. I do miss my whole grain bread, but I'll survive.

My First IKEA Experience

2011-08-03T11:22:00.002-06:00

I was a little leery of driving down to Centennial to check out the new Ikea store, especially given my current "recovering from a brain injury" health status. There's been a lot of buzz surrounding the grand opening, and the thought of tons of people and difficulty parking was enough to keep me away last week. I decided to go for it yesterday, with my kids in tow, and as we were driving down I-25 there was a sign flashing - "Limited Ikea Parking." Oh, great. It was tempting to turn around and go home but I figured we had come this far so might as well keep going. Luckily it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I actually got a space within moments of entering the structure, albeit at the very back. My kids' comments as we were driving up:

"That's ONE store? It's as big as a mall." - Mikaela

"How big would a dinosaur be next to it?" - Sofia

We entered the building and went up two escalators where we were greeted by another escalator. There were big yellow bags, and maps/order forms with pencils, and measuring tapes if you wanted. We took all but the tape. We headed up to the showroom but decided to eat first. The line was pretty long and I was loathe to wait through it only to find out that it was unsafe for Mikaela to eat there, so I talked to a security guard and he told me to go ahead up to the front to talk to a manager. I first talked to a server, who was very annoyed that I was asking questions. I very politely told her that my daughter has a severe peanut allergy and would like to talk to someone who could help me determine if it was safe for her to eat there.

"Oh, I would say no, don't eat here. I mean, we can't guarantee that it's safe."

"So, there are peanuts in the kitchen?"

"Well, not that I've seen, but things might be processed in the same facility."

"Yes, I understand that, but if I could talk to a manager..."

"The managers are REALLY busy right now."

"I know. I'd really like to talk to one though."

"I don't mean to be rude. We're just really slammed right now."

A manager came over and simply handed me a three ring binder that had the nutrition and allergy information for every single menu item. Easy peasy. A little education of the staff would go a loooong way. Had we listened to the server honestly we would have just left right then out of hunger and annoyance, and wouldn't have bothered coming back to check out the showroom.

As it turned out it there was nothing on the menu with peanuts in it, and the only things processed in the same facility were the mac and cheese and all the desserts. We are totally used to abstaining from dessert at most restaurants for that reason, so it was no big deal. And I was so glad I asked since at a lot of other places the mac and cheese is usually one of the only safe items. Mikaela ordered (and loved) the Swedish meatball plate. Sofia and I had chicken strips and French fries (not the healthiest choice but they were really yummy.) I had a cup of really good coffee with just a splash of organic half & half. (I have the hardest time staying dairy free, and I was impressed that the milk and half & half offered were organic.)

We got a decent amount of food, including a 99 cent dark chocolate bar that I got for myself (processed with peanuts) to save for later, and the total was $9.83. Pretty impressive. Turns out kids eat free on Tuesdays. Awesome.

Satiated, we walked over to the showroom. We walked around a bit and then realized that we were ignoring the big arrows on the floor and going against the flow of traffic so we turned around. There was so much to see. I have been organizing my house simply because I want to and also in preparation for an exchange student from China who arrives tomorrow, so I had a list of things to try to find:

Queen size mattress pad
Table or floor lamp
Rug
Small table
Shoe storage
Milk frother
Vacuum (I didn't know if they sold these, but mine suddenly quit working on Monday night so I thought I might as well check. They don't.)

What I ended up with, for a total of $104.96:

Queen size mattress pad
Wire basket organizing unit for our shoes downstairs
Closet hanging organizer for me, with drawers
Small table (9.99!)
Peace lily
Pot to put it in
Box of cookies
Stuffed mouse for Sofia
Stuffed soccer ball for the baby we watch
Two round red rugs
Pack of paintbrushes for the kids
Pack of 3 body sponges
Pack of 100 tealights

Not bad. Not bad at all.

My gripes with the store:

Educate your staff about food allergies. Once we got to the right person it was such an easy thing. Let the staff know that there is a notebook, and that as soon as a customer asks about allergies, have them say, "Let me get a manager for you." Also, constantly stating that you can't guarantee the safety of my child eating there is unnecessary. We take a risk every time she puts food in her mouth. The more information you can give me about the food and processing of it; the more educated my decision is about whether or not to take the risk. We have been dealing with this for 12 years. We know there is always risk. We're not going to sue you if she has a reaction, unless of course, you refused to give us accurate info.

We ran into several technical difficulties, which I know are to be somewhat expected at first, but got annoying after the third or fourth one. We tried two different kiosks to print out an Ikea Family card and neither one would work. We did self checkout and our receipt wouldn't print. It took 3 employees and at least 5 minutes standing around with my totally fried 6-year-old to finally get a receipt. The elevator to get down to the parking garage wasn't working. There was a looooong line. I was able to repack my cart so that we could take it down the escalator, and it was there I discovered why the cart wheels are so weird. It's so they will attach to the escalator and not go flying. I found the carts difficult to steer. They sort of glide sideways if you don't have a really firm hold on them.

It is a lot of walking, especially for kids. Sofia was done before we'd even finished the showroom and her legs were hurting. If we go again I'm going to prepare as if we were going hiking: comfy shoes and water bottles for all. I don't think I would have gone had I realized the level of physical exertion necessary. Normally I would be totally up for it, but in my current state it was hard. I had a really bad headache for the rest of the day, and a hard time getting to sleep last night, which has become a sign for me that I pushed too hard.

The layout makes it difficult to go back if you forgot something. I had every intention of buying a lamp but then realized I was supposed to pick it up in the lighting section, not the pick-up section at the end. I didn't want to try to navigate through the sea of people to go back, so I'm saving it for the next trip (hopefully sans kids.) I also wanted to get a corner workstation but there was no way I could have loaded and unloaded all the boxes by myself, so I have to wait until Alex can come.

What I liked:

We were able to eat there, even though there was some difficulty in figuring it out. It's always great to find a safe eating place, especially a reasonably priced one.

It was a different and fun experience, all things considered. The showroom is really neat, and it was fun to watch people trying stuff out.

The prices. Although I had some guilt about the dark chocolate since it doesn't appear to be fair trade, and I doubt it could be for that price. I worry about child (often slave) labor in the supply line. I also was left wondering about how the prices could be so low on some of the other items.

Our loot. I'll take more pictures once I get everything set up.

Meal Plan for Aug 1-7

2011-07-31T17:52:00.000-06:00

I'm going to try to get back into the habit of posting my meal plan for the week on Sundays. It helps to have some accountability so I actually get around to cooking. I'm not going to post any more weight updates since I reached my goal and am maintaining in the 145-148lb range.

Meal Plan:

Breakfast Burritos - egg, potato, Applegate Farms Sunday bacon, cheese (Daiya vegan cheese for me) in whole wheat tortillas. Alex and I will have either chopped green chilies or some hot sauce with ours.

Hamburgers - on whole wheat buns. Raw veggies with hummus and a salad for sides.

Grilled Cod - quinoa with sauteed veggies for a side. (Zucchini, yellow squash, onion, garlic, fresh herbs.)

Salad - with grilled chicken, beets, sunflower seeds. (Had this last month. So yummy.)

What's on your menu this week?

Long Time No Blog!

2011-07-30T10:32:00.000-06:00

So sorry to be such a blog slacker. I have really been struggling with the ups and downs of my brain injury recovery these last few weeks. I have really good days and occasionally I have really bad days. I am trying to get to restorative yoga 2-3 times a week, which is incredibly helpful for both my body and mind. I feel like my brain is functioning much better than it was, but that has led to this general feeling that I am always forgetting something or a mildly confused feeling which is leading to some increased anxiety. It was almost better when my brain was just quiet. Ignorance IS bliss, apparently.

In perusing my list that I made in April, I can see that I really have come far in my recovery. I can walk at a moderate pace for a pretty long distance now without any immediate symptoms. (I sometimes will get dizzy or nauseous afterward or the next day.) I have danced to a song or two at a couple of outdoor festivals. My endurance still isn't great, but I am grateful I could dance a bit. I am reading books! I am sticking to total fluff (the Sookie Stackhouse books) because I still don't feel like my comprehension is that great. It's entertaining in the moment, and not something I need to remember. I get a little confused with the plot line occasionally when I don't remember what happened in the last book, but I just shrug and read on.

I have been driving. I try to stick to pretty short distances and not do too much driving in a day or I get really tired and it definitely can make my headache worse. I still can't jump on my Cellerciser, and I haven't tried yoga that isn't completely on the floor. I'm hoping to try a gentle yoga class that includes some standing poses in about 4-6 weeks. I did try jumping on my Cellerciser a few weeks ago and it was bad news. I did a very light bounce for only two minutes and it made my head and neck hurt really badly. I was bummed, but the only way to know was to try! I'll try again in a couple of months and see how it goes.

I am still maintaining my weight, which is crazy considering how many carbs I've been eating lately. I've had quite a bit of dairy in the last few weeks too, but I'm trying to get off it again because I did feel better without it. It's hard to get back on track after allowing myself some "treats," but I know from past experience that I can do it.

We had a great "staycation" at the end of June. The last night we got all dressed up and went to our favorite restaurant; Maggiano's. It was really fun.

All fancy!

Sofia couldn't wait to take a bite even though she didn't have a fork yet.

Me and my beautiful girls.

Freezer/Pantry Challenge

2011-07-23T13:10:00.000-06:00

Have any of you ever done one? It's a great way to use up the food you have stored. I'm going to do an inventory today of what I have in my freezers and pantry, then start making a meal plan based on that. I hope to only buy perishable items for the next two months. Hopefully this will help me save on our grocery bill, which has been getting a little out of control (which is crazy considering we've been eating out a ton.) It's amazing to me how much money one can spend on food!

Okay, I'm off to do my inventory. I'll come back with what I've got and some meal ideas!

Oh, and I'm feeling pretty darn decent these days. Still not back to 100%, but feeling well enough to get cooking!

Adopting a Low-Glycemic Diet Helpful for Women with PCOS | Natural Grocers

2011-07-08T14:38:00.000-06:00

Check it out! It certainly helped me. (Thanks to Angela for sending me the link.)

Adopting a Low-Glycemic Diet Helpful for Women with PCOS | Natural Grocers

Cookies and Ice Cream!

2011-07-06T22:42:00.000-06:00

A few weeks ago I was craving chocolate chip cookies in a major way. I think I've finally perfected my recipe. These turned out great! I also had honey vanilla coconut milk ice cream. So delicious!

Whole Wheat, Egg Free, Agave Sweetened Chocolate Chip Cookies

2 1/4 C whole wheat pastry flour
1 t baking soda
1 t salt
1/2 C coconut oil (preferably soft but not melted)
3/4 C agave nectar
1 t vanilla
Ener-G Egg Replacer + water (follow box directions for two eggs)
12oz chocolate chips (I prefer dark chocolate.)

Mix dry ingredients in a medium bowl. In a large bowl, mix oil, agave, vanilla and egg replacer with handheld or stand mixer. Add dry ingredients and mix. Stir chocolate chips in by hand. Drop by rounded teaspoonfuls onto cookie sheet. Flatten slightly with the back of a spoon. (These don't spread while baking, but they might if you use eggs.) Bake at 350 degrees for 6-8 minutes. Watch carefully to keep bottoms from getting too done. Cool on wire rack.

Honey Vanilla Coconut Milk Ice Cream

1 C So Delicious unsweetened coconut milk
2 C So Delicious original coconut milk creamer
1/2 C honey
3 t vanilla extract

Blend ingredients then follow directions on ice cream maker. I froze it in a shallow container, and put one layer of ice cream in, drizzled honey over the top of that layer, then put another layer in so there would be honey swirls. Very yummy.

Hanging in There

2011-06-28T17:22:00.000-06:00

Trying to, anyway. I feel so out of sorts from this whole brain injury thing. I was feeling a lot better, gradually working at getting back into my normal routine, and then I just got worse again. I think it was that fun weekend I had. I did too much. I danced a bit, walked a lot, stayed out late, had back to back events for 48 hours...I thought I could handle it but apparently not. I've been having the constant headache again, lots of dizziness and nausea, vision issues, etc. Not fun!

I'm taking it easy again. Luckily my hubby is on vacation this week and next. We had plans that didn't pan out (long story) and now we're having a "staycation." We've convinced the kids that we'll do lots of fun stuff around town while staying at home. Today we went to see Mr. Popper's Penguins. It was pretty cute.

So that's me, and where I'm at. I'm a blog slacker when I just don't feel well. I'll try to get back into the swing of things as soon as I can. My weight is holding steady. Actually today I was back down to my lowest of 145, mostly because I had a 24 hour stomach bug and haven't eaten much at all for 2 days. As if I needed THAT on top of everything else.

My life. Geez.

On a good note I laid out in the sun for a bit today and wore a bikini for the first time. Ever. That felt good. I still don't feel tone enough to wear it to the pool, but my front porch? Sure.

My Dad

2011-06-20T14:30:00.000-06:00

I'm a day late with this one as we had a super busy (and fun) weekend. I'm pretty beat, but I'm grateful that I was able to do so much with minimal brain injury symptoms. I had a nasty headache last night, but a good night's sleep seems to have taken care of it.

I've always been a Daddy's girl. I idolized my dad when I was young. I thought he knew everything. He really does know a lot about a lot of different things, and I credit him with teaching me how to be discerning and how to look at all sides of an issue. I could ask him about any subject, and he would tell me what he knew, and point me towards more resources for additional information. We have always shared a great intellectual connection. Some of my favorite memories of my teen years are when I had a job at my dad's workplace and we would commute together in the mornings and talk about all kinds of things: religion, philosophy, current events. My love of debate and stimulating conversation definitely stems from those experiences.

My parents got married really young; my dad was 18 and my mom 17. They just celebrated their 35th anniversary! I am so proud of them, and the fact that they did such a great job raising my two brothers and I. I feel that I am one of the lucky few who was blessed with an ideal childhood. We always had a lot of fun as a family, and knew that Dad and Mom always had us as their top priority. Dad worked hard to support his family, and even sent us to private school on a pretty limited income. I'm so grateful for all he and Mom sacrificed for us.

The thing I admire most about my Dad is the hard work he has done at getting to know and accept himself over the last several years. I think of him often in my own journey towards authenticity. He has had the guts to face and conquer some demons from his past, and he came out a stronger person in the end. I'm especially grateful for the courageous journey he took in light of the newest phase of his life. He was recently diagnosed with prostate cancer. Luckily it was caught early and his prognosis is really good, but the big, scary 'C' word is difficult to hear regardless. I was so worried when I first heard, but I know that he has the physical and emotional strength to fight and win this battle, and all of his family and friends to help him through.

He's working on changing his diet and losing some weight, and he recently told me how inspirational I am to him in that area. I'm so glad for the journeys we both have been on before getting to this point. Our pasts inspiring each others futures. It's a beautiful thing.

I love you, Daddy. Happy Father's Day.

Update and Vegan Strawberry Ice Cream

2011-06-14T15:14:00.000-06:00

Hey everybody! Sorry I've been lagging on the blogging front lately. I am continuing to heal and symptoms are gradually improving. I can excitedly report that I no longer have a constant headache. It comes and goes, but I would say it's only bad 1-3 days a week. That is a huge improvement and I'm really thankful. For the most part I am able to stay unmedicated, and I'm really glad about that as I was worrying what those pain meds were doing to my body.

My weight is holding steady between 145-148lbs, which just blows me away since the only exercise I've been able to do since the end of March is walking, and barely at that. I'm still off dairy. Well, yesterday was my anniversary and I decided to eat some foods that I normally don't, and then decided to just go all out. It was fun, and I'm a little sluggish and fatigued today but not too bad. We had takeout from one of our favorite Italian places, and they failed to make my cheese free pizza on whole wheat crust. I ate two pieces anyway, and had a butter infused, parmesan laden, made out of white flour breadstick as well. It was GOOD. Then the kids wanted to go to Starbucks after dinner for Frappucinos, and I had a free birthday drink postcard I'd been saving so I got a small latte. I was surprised to find that milk tastes weird to me now. I'm sticking with my coconut milk. When we got home I decided to have a piece of everybody else's pizza, that had mozzarella AND ricotta cheese on it. It was just okay, and I was so bloated and burpy last night. It wasn't exactly pleasant, but it was fun to indulge, and today I'm back to my normal eating habits.

We have been thoroughly enjoying my ice cream maker that I got for my birthday. I can't believe I didn't think to get one years ago since it is always so hard to find ice cream that is safe for my peanut allergic daughter. So far Alex and the girls have made "real" ice cream in mint chocolate chip, double chocolate chip, and coffee. I've made banana, strawberry, and chocolate from coconut milk. All have been delicious.

Vegan Strawberry Ice Cream

1 C So Delicious unsweetened coconut milk
1 C So Delicious coconut milk creamer
8-10 large frozen strawberries
1/2 C agave
1 t vanilla extract
Pinch of salt

I blend it in my Blendtec on the ice cream setting so I can skip the 1-2 hours of chilling, then pour it directly into the ice cream maker. It sets up in 15-20 minutes and is like soft serve. Store in an airtight container in the freezer. I have to let it thaw for a few minutes out of the freezer, but then it's nice and scoopable.

And the Winner of the Yoga Mat Is...

2011-06-01T12:10:00.000-06:00

I compiled and numbered all entries then used a random number generator at random.org and the winner is:

Chickadee!!

(She's actually my mama but I promise it wasn't rigged. Totally random! I'm sure it's because she mentioned she's been in the market for a yoga mat.)

Congrats!

Thanks to all who entered.

Mindful Mondays: Sleep

2011-05-30T08:00:00.007-06:00

I've always fallen asleep easily and most of the time I wake up easily too, but since I hit my head a whole host of sleep symptoms have started. I get insomnia. I wake up in the middle of the night and my brain thinks it's time to get up and then I can't fall back asleep.

I can't just hit the pillow, close my eyes, and go right to sleep any more. I really didn't know how easy I had it before. I know sleep problems are pretty common.

I have a long getting ready for bed routine, including taking a warm bath, putting on some lotion and my pajamas (which have to be super comfy.) I turn on some soft, soothing music, put lots of pillows all around me so my body if fully supported, and I often need a heat pack or two. I use a couple sprays of a homeopathic sleep aid and snuggle in, and usually I'm out within 20 minutes or so. I've figured all of this out over the last six weeks or so, through a process of trial and error. But I'm happy to report that for the most part I am sleeping well.

The first few weeks after the injury I couldn't sleep enough. I would take a 2-4 hour nap during the day, then sleep 9-10 hours at night. I'm still getting pretty fatigued during the day, but I try to just lie down and rest for 30 minutes to an hour rather than sleep. Although sometimes I do fall asleep and nap. I've found that since I've been doing a bit better the naps make me not ready for bed until really late, and then I mess up my sleep schedule.

How's your sleep? How much do you need to function optimally? Minimally? I'm finding I have added about 2 hours onto my answer for both those questions since being injured, so 7-8 hours to function minimally, and 9-10 hours to function optimally.

Good sleep is something I used to take for granted, that's for sure!

What to Wear Wednesdays: Vintage

2011-05-25T13:20:00.000-06:00

I was rummaging through my closet and noticed I've amassed quite the vintage collection and thought I would share some of it with you all. Last year my mother-in-law was running an estate sale and she asked me to come help. There was a treasure trove of clothes, shoes, bags, scarves, jewelry; some dating back to the 40's and 50's. It was pretty amazing. The woman who died had literally saved everything, and apparently also had a bit of a shopping habit. There were probably a couple hundred pairs of shoes, and many were brand new in the box, and some were identical to each other. You gotta buy two when they're on sale! Then there were purses in every color, and each one had a mirror and matching pair of gloves inside.

Since I was helping organize and ring up purchases I missed out on a lot of the really good stuff, but when I went out to the garage to try to organize some of the clothing I was absolutely astounded. There were boxes upon boxes stuffed full of clothes. I started rummaging through and found some really great stuff. As I was going through one box, something sparkly caught my eye. I started to pull it out, and it just kept coming and coming. My jaw hit the floor. I'm really not even sure what decade it's from, but it's awesome. I had a "Sparkle Party" last summer just because I wanted to wear the dress so bad. Alas, I put it on last night, and it's too big! So glad I had that party! It is sooooo sparkly. Pretty much the sparkliest dress ever.

Here are a few other highlights from that estate sale:

70's teal dress. We have a wedding in August. I think I'm going to rock this dress. The silver clutch came from the estate sale too.

Late 70's? Early 80's? At any rate, I love it, as well as the accompanying purple plastic bangle.

And a few highlights of vintage items I've collected elsewhere:

Pringle vintage cardigan paired with Ann Taylor wool pants. Will be a nice look this fall if it still fits!

Incredibly soft cashmere! I found it at Goodwill.

One of my favorite necklaces that I've had for years. Not sure where I got it.

Do you like vintage? Do you wear it? Admire it from afar? I need to start making excuses to wear it more often, because I love it. And that was just a taste of all I've got!

Mindful Mondays: What's Your Story?

2011-05-23T11:16:00.000-06:00

You all know MY story. So what's yours? I believe telling our stories helps us discover and move towards our more authentic selves.

Have your own blog? Link me to it!

Or just tell part of your story in the comments. Whatever you're willing to share. I would love to read it. It doesn't have to be your weight loss or health story either. What are the major facets of yourself and experiences that you've had that make you YOU?

Who Wants Coupons??

2011-05-21T23:13:00.000-06:00

Been itching to try an Applegate Farms product or two? Well, now you can for $1 less.

Peruse their website and tell me in a comment below which product(s) you would most like to try, then send your mailing address to thebethapproach@gmail.com and I will pop one (or two or five) in the mail for you!

Easy peasy!

I'll tell you my favorite products:

Organic Smoked Turkey Breast
Chicken and Sage Breakfast Sausage
Savory Turkey Breakfast Sausage
Organic Sunday Bacon

As they say at Applegate: Eat less meat; enjoy it more!

And don't forget to enter to win a yoga mat!

Weight Loss Tips

2011-05-18T14:56:00.000-06:00

Of course this whole blog is about weight loss and healthy living (well it used to be until I hit my head), but Meg in WA asked in a comment if I had any tips for her as she starts out on a weight loss journey. I thought I'd share them in a post in case others need some encouragement. I was trying to think of a few key bullet points, if I were to condense all my advice down, and then I realized that there would only be one, and it is:

LOVE YOURSELF

Accept and love yourself as you are right now, and you will open the door to allow that love and acceptance to change you from the inside out. Love yourself enough to eat healthy food, and to make time to move your body in a way that you enjoy. Love yourself enough to not give in to the temptation to deprive yourself. Know that changing habits takes time and perseverance. Slow weight loss is healthy weight loss, and you're more likely to keep it off. Love yourself enough to listen to your body and give it what it needs, even if it seems counterproductive. Your body knows what it needs, and it will tell you.

Hope that helps!

Do Me a Solid

2011-05-16T14:11:00.000-06:00

And leave me a comment. I could use the pick-me-up.

Seen any good movies lately?

I'm really itching to go to a movie but worried it might be too loud and/or too bright. Plus I still have floaters in my eye and sometimes blurry vision. But tell me what you've seen and I'll make a list.

Thanks!

I'm still hanging in there. Barely, at times, but I'm trying.

Mindful Mondays: Community, Karma, and Gratitude

2011-05-09T18:05:00.000-06:00

Several years ago my former English teacher from high school called with a special request. She and her husband wanted to go visit their son and his family in England, but needed someone to care for her mother while they were gone. Winnie was the sweetest elderly lady I've ever met, but was struggling with Alzheimer's. The first time I cared for her it was just for a couple of weeks, and she was still having good days and lucid moments at that point. Eighteen months later I cared for her again, this time for three weeks, and she had really deteriorated. I already knew that Alzheimer's is a devastating disease, but experiencing it firsthand really brought it home. Several friends and family members told me I was a "saint" for taking care of her with such love and patience, and I replied that I just hoped someone would help me when I needed it.

I didn't expect to need it at the ripe old age of 32.

Mild traumatic brain injury has similar symptoms to the early stages of Alzheimer's. I remember watching Winnie stand in the kitchen, trying to get her breakfast. She ate the same thing everyday - plain yogurt with all kinds of healthy mix-ins - frozen blueberries, Kashi cereal, honey, apple cider vinegar. She would stand by the lazy Susan and spin it several times, and eventually I would pull out whatever it was I knew she was looking for and her face would light up. "Little girl, how do you always know what I need?" I would grin and tell her I was magic.

I now experience similar moments on a daily basis. Everything requires so much thought, and I tend to get frustrated when I can sense that my brain isn't working properly, or at least taking a very long time to do things that used to be second nature. I too will stand in the kitchen and try to remember what it is I'm looking for, or the steps needed to get myself some food. I was around people a few times this weekend and I tried not to feel embarrassed when I heard myself stutter or pause during conversation, my mind searching for a word. Words have always been my strongpoint, so that feels especially humiliating to me. I remember Winnie's usually serene self becoming increasingly frustrated and agitated when she couldn't think of a word.

Of course, the difference between my situation and Winnie's is that I have hope of recovering most of my mental capacities, while hers diminished over time. When she passed I was sad but happy for her to be released from her mental and physical anguish.

As I said, I wasn't expecting to need care so soon, and it is very strange and humbling to admit that I need caregivers, but I do, and I am extremely grateful for the amazing network of support I have right now. It is such a blessing to have others fill in for me so that I am able to focus fully on recovery. I realize that a lot of people with mTBI don't have the same support or access to medical care and treatment, and it can take a horrible toll on them and their loved ones. I'm one of the lucky ones.

I just wanted to say thanks again to my community, including my blog community. I am so grateful to all of you for helping me heal. And now I will hit publish on this post that has taken me all day to write...

In loving memory of sweet Winnie.

My Mama

2011-05-08T17:17:00.001-06:00

Happy Mother's Day!

I am especially appreciative of my mama this year. As usual she has gone above and beyond in caring for me these last several weeks. She spent 2 and a half weeks in Idaho caring for her own mom after a knee replacement surgery, then came home to her dumb daughter totally losing it. "Mom, I broke my brain." She has taken me to appointments, spent a very late night with me in the ER, been picking up my kiddo from school, cooking for me, cleaning my house, and more. I have the best mom in the world. Some of you may think you do, but sorry, you're wrong. I've got her, and not only is she the best mom, she's the best cook in the world too. True story. I fondly remember fights breaking out at the dinner table over who got the last portion of something. That's some good cookin'!

This is just one of the amazing meals she has made for me recently:

Posole. It was sooooo good.

My mama has always been there for me, and I am forever grateful. I am blessed to call her friend as well as mom. Here's one of my favorite pictures of the two of us:

Apparently I was making her play some sort of pretend. I love her expression, and whatever that is on her head. Clearly she was totally in character. It was just the beginning of my love of the theatrical arts, or just the theatrical.

And so far I have failed to mention that my mom is totally hot. As a teen it kind of bugged me when everybody thought we were sisters all the time, but now I'm just appreciative of the good genes. That's my mom and dad in the picture. I love him too, and I guess he's pretty cute, but he'll get his own Father's Day post.

I love you, my mama. Thanks for taking care of me and being my friend.

It's My Party...

2011-05-06T13:23:00.000-06:00

And I'll cry if I want to.

I'm 32 today! I confess to being a little bit weepy the last few days. I'm disappointed that my birthday isn't going to be the celebration I was hoping for. I mean, Cinco de Mayo followed by a Friday night birthday and Mother's Day on Sunday? It should be Partypalooza all weekend! Plus I reached my goal weight as of yesterday and have all kinds of cute things I want to wear. I suppose I still can, but they're not really appropriate for napping and going to yoga.

**********

I wrote the above yesterday, and I have to say, I was wrong! I am having a wonderful day and it's only 1pm. I tried some Bach Sleep Remedy spray last night, fell asleep quickly and slept 9 hours straight and had crazy dreams but not nightmares, which have been frequent. It felt great. This morning our playgroup met at the park by our house so that Sofia and I could just walk over. We had a really nice time, and my dear friend Clea did some Reiki on me as a birthday gift and my pain is barely there! That is the first time I've been able to say that in 6 weeks!

I woke up to a brand new Omega juicer in my kitchen!! I'm so excited. Alex and a group of awesome friends got it for me. We already had some carrot apple juice this morning and it was delicious. I'd really like to start making juice cleanses a regular part of my routine, and now I can!

I was also gifted a gift certificate for my restorative yoga classes from another group of awesome mama friends. I am just so touched and feel so loved and taken care of. This is the same group who has been bringing me meals, picking up Mikaela from school, driving Sofia to gymnastics, coming to visit so I won't be lonely...I am so very blessed to be a part of such an amazing, supportive community. Really it just blows my mind and I get teary every time I think about it. Thank you, dear friends.

And my BFF got me an ice cream maker! I'm sure I will be sharing my concoctions here, at least the ones that turn out. I love, love, love the Coconut Bliss and So Delicious ice creams I've been buying since going off dairy, but they are quite expensive. I'm excited to experiment with making my own. I'm sure I'll be making "real" ice cream for Alex and the girls too, so I'll share any recipes that turn out.

I am so very blessed. And, I am rocking a pair of size SIX capris and they fit great. Happy Birthday to me!

Ok, hard to see the capris, but they're cute! Promise.

My sweet girl wore a dress since it's my birthday, and made me a card that says, "Mother, I am so excited for you." LOVE.

Who could be unhappy with sweet little babies around? I adore this one.

My little buddy got me an AWESOME baseball card. I love it.

Had a delicious dairy free mocha as a birthday treat - unsweetened chocolate almond milk, coffee, agave. YUM.

What to Wear Wednesdays: Pajamas

2011-05-04T17:15:00.000-06:00

As usual I wanted to model some fun spring outfits but after yesterday's excursion I am totally exhausted. I'm also battling insomnia, which apparently is a common symptom of mild brain injury. I've always been someone who falls asleep easily, and now I lie awake, sometimes for a couple of hours. Then I wake up way too early and can't fall asleep again. I was up this morning from 3:45am-7:30am, then finally was able to sleep for three hours.

I'm not sure if I should just sleep when my body will let me, or try to stay awake until normal bedtime. At the moment I just want to get some comfy PJ's on and climb into bed, but going to bed this early might really mess up my schedule.

Fashion question for today to try to stay somewhat on theme: Do you have any people, celebrity or otherwise, whose style inspires you?

I really like Zooey Deschanel's vintage style, and I tend to like Natalie Portman's style. I thought she was best dressed at the Oscars this year.

Adventures in...Walking! And the Even Harder Task of...Remembering!

2011-05-03T12:57:00.000-06:00

Now that my headache is not completely overshadowing my entire life (at least not today), I decided to see if I could do a little walk. I set my sights on the town center near my home, but was a little worried about walking all the way there and back, even with some rest in between. So a friend dropped me off there and I did a teensy bit of shopping at the cute little shops (bought a Mother's Day card for my mom all by myself and a couple of other things which I'll show you) then headed home. It took me 30 minutes with a small rest point halfway to walk about 3/4 of a mile, but I did it! I was just a tad bit dizzy and nauseous, but never felt like I might pass out. Woohoo! Some progress is better than none.

I've decided that the two main things I need right now are encouragement (mainly from myself but I won't turn it down from others) and routines. Or systems. These memory/attention/focus symptoms are pretty hard, and can be very anxiety producing. I'm trying to step out of denial and let go of shame and just do whatever it takes to make life easier right now. Which is why I'm seriously considering a lip balm necklace.

Yesterday I wandered the house looking for mine, forgot what I was looking for, did something else, noticed that my lips hurt, then went looking for the lip balm again, and repeat. Mikaela walked in the door and I was pretty panicky. "PLEASE find my chapstick." Poor kid. She was all, "Uh, okay." And of course it was in a place where I thought I'd looked several times. Maybe I did. Who knows. I had two, but one has been missing for several days. I'm sure it will turn up in an unexpected and possibly humorous place. My first step is to just buy a bunch of them and keep them in various places, but if that doesn't work I'm going to resort to the necklace. And you know what? I'm gonna rock that shit. It'll be the new thing. Everybody's gonna want one. Okay, not really, but I can pretend.

I'm learning. I keep a planner and reference it regularly. I write everything down. I'm sure that I will continue to manage and adapt. Yesterday I signed up for a year of brain conditioning at Lumosity. It's really great - check it out. And thanks to the awesome Laura Whittemore for the awesome suggestions.

On to the purchases:

A new magnet to look at daily and feel encouraged.

A pretty water cup to keep at my bedside. I'm tempted to go back and buy the other three colors so I can have cups in all the places I need them without having to think about it.

I Did It! (+ a Giveaway!)

2011-05-03T08:00:00.009-06:00

Restorative yoga was great! I had to do a few modifications, which was very humbling given that it's extremely easy, but that's okay. My head and neck hurt a lot while I was doing it, but as we came up out of our last pose (it's a series of 6 or 7 relaxing poses that you hold for 10 minutes each), something just seemed to release in my head, in this weird wavelike fashion, and for the first time in 5 weeks I felt some relief from the headache. I even opted to take just one Tylenol instead of a Vicodin before bed because my head was only at about a 4. I will definitely be going back next Sunday!

I've been thinking that I want my Blogiversary giveaways to be a series of some of my favorite things. Yoga is definitely one of my favorite things, so for this giveaway I'm giving away a Hugger Mugger yoga mat! It will be one of their Tapas sticky mats, color to be determined. (It will be a fun surprise!)

Up to 3 entries per person. You can leave all your entries in one comment or one comment per entry, whichever you prefer. Three ways to enter:

1. Simply leave a comment.

2. Share on Facebook and tell me that you did so. If you could utilize the little Facebook button up in the righthand corner that would be great.

3. Share on Twitter and tell me that you did so. Same thing about the button.

The fine print: Open to U.S. residents only. Entries will be accepted through Tuesday, May 31st at midnight, MST. One winner will be chosen by random number generator after all entries have been compiled and numbered. Winner has to respond via email (thebethapproach@gmail.com) with their name and mailing address within 3 days of contest end or alternate winner will be selected. Yoga mat will be shipped within 2 weeks of receiving winner's shipping info. This giveaway is NOT sponsored by Hugger Mugger and is entirely funded by me.

Mindful Mondays: Acceptance

2011-05-02T08:00:00.004-06:00

I know. I talk about acceptance a lot. Acceptance of self and where you are at this very moment, to be specific. I'm talking about it again today because it has been really difficult for me to accept this current setback. A literal blow to the head has been a huge blow to my body, soul, and self-esteem. To go from exercising regularly to barely able to walk is extremely difficult. I want to just jump on my Cellerciser, or go to a Corepower yoga class, but I simply can't.

Saturday was a good day. I slept a lot, had a massage in the evening, ate the delicious food that friends and family have provided, watched an episode of Glee with my hubby, took a bath and prepared for bed. For the first time since my injury my headache had only gone up to about a 6/10 instead of an 8 or 9. I was happy. I climbed into bed and suddenly my bladder released. I tried to use my muscles to make it stop and it wouldn't. I'm not going to lie: I freaked out. I started crying. I had no idea if this was just another of the myriad neurological symptoms I've been experiencing, or possibly a side effect of one of the medications my doctor prescribed. It was really, really scary. I am a young, healthy adult who has never had bladder control issues. I don't even get up to pee in the middle of the night, with the exception of during the last trimester of pregnancy. I did what anyone would in a scary "I just wet myself" situation. I called my mom.

She was able to calm me down and looked up amitriptyline, the anti-depressant I've been taking for only 5 days, which was supposedly going to help with the headaches after a week or two of taking it. Luckily, loss of bladder control is a possible side effect. Needless to say I will not be continuing with that medication. Wetting myself is not a side effect I'm willing to live with. I'm just so relieved that it was the medication and not my brain. I had also been experiencing increased dizziness and lightheadedness (also possible side effects) with several "almost passed out" episodes and even Alex noted that I had been extremely pale the last few days. Definitely not the medication for me.

It's a little, okay a lot, embarrassing to be admitting that I wet the bed, but it's just one small example of what my life has become these last 5 weeks. It's completely different than it was. I am completely different than I was. It is very hard to accept this new me who, for lack of a better descriptor, is disabled. I am. I don't want to be, but I am.

I was so jazzed in January when I started Operation: RADIANT. And even at the end of March I was still jazzed. I was increasing the duration, frequency, and intensity of my workouts, losing more weight, feeling great. And then a silly accident changed everything. Sofia drew this picture for me on Saturday and it breaks my heart:

She draws a lot of pictures of the two of us, and usually we are smiling and happy. Sometimes we have crowns because I am the queen and she is the princess. Sometimes there are flowers and butterflies and sunshine. But this is me, in a bed, with Sofia at my bedside, and we're both crying. I asked her why we were crying and she said, "Because you're not better."

I think I am going to have her see a child psychologist. It has been very difficult for her to see her mama this way, and I know she is feeling guilt about what happened, even though I have reassured her over and over that it wasn't her fault. We were just having fun, and I am the adult who chose to swing her upside down. She keeps telling me, "I didn't mean to give you a concussion, Mama." My poor baby.

So. Even though it is extremely difficult, I accept that this is who I am right now, and where I am right now, bed wetting and all. I really have no choice, since the alternative is to just give up. I am strengthening my resolve to work towards radiance this year.

My shine in December is going to be something to behold, let me tell you. You'll need some sunglasses.

I'm Calling It

2011-05-01T08:34:00.000-06:00

So my official weight, since I've been consistently weighing in at it for the last couple of weeks, is 146lbs. I came so close to my goal! I am really proud of myself, especially considering my current circumstances. 74lb total weight loss in two years. I think that I will be able to maintain my weight between 145-150lbs from here on out. I'm not going to be trying to lose any more, but I will be working to maintain. Woohoo!

Happy May Day!

A Day With MTBI, Part I

2011-04-29T15:26:00.000-06:00

Woke up at 9am. Actually got 10 hours sleep and slept well; a first this week. Have been battling insomnia and then not getting quality sleep. Drank my fiber in some orange juice and took my probiotic and stool softener (the pain meds I'm taking are constipating.) Head felt pretty good on waking, maybe a 2 out of 10, really the lowest it's been since my injury, but I know it's going to start going up as it does every day.

Have some friends coming over this morning to visit, which is so good for my emotional health. Didn't have time for a shower, but feeling conflicted about washing my face at the sink since it involves bending forward. Decide to just do it, and of course start having stabbing pains in my head. Finish getting ready while feeling embarrassed and upset that I was so irritable and snapped at my husband last night because I know it's not me. I was just extremely fatigued from going to our daughter's spring program. I almost didn't go because I knew it was going to be hard, but not going would have been really hard too. I made it through the whole program but had to leave towards the end because the applause was so loud. Went to the bathroom and actually winced at the sound of the toilet flushing. I have so much empathy now for what my daughters have been through with their Sensory Processing Disorder. I remember when Mikaela was little, that sound made her cry and she said it hurt. I understand now, and feel badly for just not getting it. It really does hurt.

Had to find some pants that fit and feel comfortable, another way I am having empathy for my daughters. Since my injury I have been wearing yoga pants, soft t-shirts, and often not wearing a bra. I have had to cut the tags out of some things. I never used to be bothered by clothing or tags, and considered myself a "fashion over comfort" person to a certain extent. Not any more!

Once I finished getting ready had a bowl of whole grain cereal with almond milk so I could take some Advil. I can't take it on an empty stomach. Took the Advil and wrote it down on my little post-it note. I have to write down everything I take and when otherwise I won't remember and don't want to double up on anything accidentally.

Friends came for a couple of hours and we had a nice time. It's really good for Sofia to get some play time instead of watching TV all day. Had the lunch that friends brought over (Chipotle - yum!) then felt really crappy (dizzy, nauseous, head getting worse) so laid down for an hour. Started to cry when the thought, "Who am I now?" crossed my mind. Decided to push it away and ponder it later. It's too overwhelming.

It's now just after 3pm. My headache is about a 6 out of 10. (I use this scale, by the way.) I should probably take something because it's important to stay ahead of the pain, but I hate pumping my body full of pharmaceuticals. I feel like I'm just asking for a stomach ulcer and/or liver damage. I'm really having a lot of vision issues today, and I'm feeling down. I realize that a huge part of feeling bad emotionally is tied to feeling bad physically.

I just made several medical appointments (wrote everything down, of course) and I think I'll go lie down again. I'm so sick of lying down.

Just Tweeted my new mantra: "There will be tears, but smiles too. Taking it day by day and moment by moment." Yes, I am keeping a positive attitude, but that doesn't mean it isn't hard and I know there will be ups and downs. I suppose all journeys have mountains.

I apologize that the nature of my blog has changed, but frankly, the nature of my life has changed. I have read that a common symptom of MTBI is losing one's sense of self, and I'm fighting hard to hold onto me.

This is My Life

2011-04-28T14:52:00.002-06:00

So, it would seem that Mild Traumatic Brain Injury is now a part of my life and part of the whole picture of who I am. I let it get me (really) down for a bit, but I have decided that I'm not going to let it destroy me. I have completely changed my life for the better in the last two years, and I can do it again. The journey that I have traveled so far has me well prepared for this, and for that I am grateful. So I'm not going to focus on the things I can't do right now. Instead I'm going to focus on what I can do, and what I know I will do. Some of the things on my "will do" list are going to take some time, maybe even many months or even a year, but that's okay. I will get there.

I believe in me.

Things I CAN do:

-Rest and let my body heal.
-Meditate and practice deep breathing when I'm feeling down or anxious.
-Listen to music that soothes my soul.
-Pause when my brain falters, take a deep breath, and know that the information I'm looking for will come to me eventually.
-Keep my body and brain fueled with optimum nutrition.
-Listen to my body and my intuition to know what it needs and what food, medications, supplements, and treatments will best fuel my recovery.
-Reach out to my community and graciously and gratefully accept their help. (I am blessed to have an amazing community. They are driving my kids places, coming to visit, and bringing meals. It's amazing, and feeling the love of my community really was my turning point.)
-Look hot. Mild traumatic brain injury is an invisible injury, after all. F#@$ you, brain injury. I look good.
-Walk slowly for a short distance.
-Listen to a chapter of an audiobook and comprehend it.
-Come up with creative ways to do gentle exercise that don't stress my body or brain.
-Write. It's taking way longer than usual and I have difficulty coming up with words, but I'm doing it. Slowly but surely.
-Challenge my body and brain to push just a little bit further everyday, but also listen to my intuition and the cues my body is giving me to know if I've gone too far.

Things I WILL do:

-Go to a restorative yoga class. (Trying this on Sunday. Hopefully it will be the first thing bumped up to the can do list.) ~accomplished May 1, and planning on continuing weekly
-Read a chapter of a book.
-Read a whole book.
-Ride in the car without getting dizzy or nauseous.

-Drive my car.

-Walk slowly for a long distance.
-Walk at a moderate pace for a short distance.
-Walk at a moderate pace for a long distance.
-Walk at a fast pace for a short distance.
-Walk at a fast pace for a long distance.
-Dance to one song.

-Dance as long as I want.

-Jump on my Cellerciser.
-Yoga at the same intensity level I was pre-injury.
-Still look hot, because I won't slip into depression and give up, or let the good nutrition habits I've built get broken down and gain lots of weight.

This is me. Broken brain, hot body, continuing on this journey called life, and still working towards radiance. I lost a little shimmer, but I'll get it back.

It's My Blogiversary!

2011-04-23T20:45:00.000-06:00

I started The B.E.T.H. Approach exactly one year ago, with this post. At that point I was one year into my health and weight loss journey and had lost 57lbs. To date I've lost another 13lbs. (I'm sticking with 150lbs as my official weight for now even though I've been weighing in at less this week. I'm fluctuating with this concussion stuff and not being able to exercise.) So a total of 70lbs lost in two years!!! That's a reason to celebrate!

And I like to celebrate by.....giving stuff away!! Woohoo!!

Since I've been out of commission I don't have this all planned out very well, but I will be doing giveaways and I might not announce them here - perhaps on Facebook or Twitter. So you may want to go follow on those sites if you don't already.

Fun stuff to come. Stay tuned!

I'm Still Alive

2011-04-21T21:41:00.000-06:00

I think.

Hehe. Only slightly kidding.

I have post concussion syndrome. It's AWESOME. Only not.

I've had two eye exams in the last two weeks, and the eye doctor today told me not to do any vigorous exercise. "No bending over and no up and down," were her exact words. What do I most want to do...yoga and jump on my trampoline! I had to laugh. And the notes I took home said, "Keep head elevated for two weeks." Apparently I'm supposed to stay on my feet 24/7.

The good news is that I've actually lost some weight, though I'm worried I'm just losing muscle. I weighed in at 146lbs yesterday. I will crack up if I reach my goal of 145 by the end of the month. I just had to get a concussion, stop exercising, and eat a lot of carbs. Duh. Easy peasy!

I have been eating a lot of carbs. But only because I'm trying to listen to my body. I think it wants glucose. I can't get enough of vegan banana milkshakes, sweet potatoes, spinach potato pancakes, and Veggie Straws. I've been eating small quantities of whatever sounds good since I've had so much nausea. Whatever it takes, right?

I know that this is temporary and eventually I will be okay and back on track. I'm just trying to remember that. Thanks for the thoughts and prayers I know some of you have been sending! Means a lot.

Beth's Magical Brain Healing Vegan Banana Milkshake

1 banana

About 1/3 C ice

1/2 C coconut milk vanilla ice cream

Coconut Milk up to the 8oz line of my Blendtec (might be more like 6oz because I put the other ingredients in first)

Bendy straw (vital ingredient for the magical brain healing)

Blend, enjoy and heal!!!

My Brain Won't Heal

2011-04-13T10:12:00.000-06:00

I'm putting myself on bedrest for at least 5 days. No computer, no reading, no writing, pretty much no anything. I'm dreading it. My symptoms are getting worse instead of better so apparently this is what I need to do. I'll be back hopefully within a week.

I was going to try and get through today and tomorrow but my body is sending me a big, fat message of, "NO WAY!" in the form of severe nausea, dizziness, vision issues, and my headache getting worse. So bedrest it is, starting in about 10 minutes.

Wish me luck, and send "don't go stir crazy" vibes!

Please Vote for Me!

2011-04-10T21:35:00.000-06:00

I entered a contest being run by Earthbound Farm. Please go like their Facebook page and vote for me HERE if you have a minute. If I win the Grand Prize trip to the Cooking for Solutions Food and Wine event I'll blog all about it! Thanks so much.

Update #...I Don't Remember. 10?

2011-04-10T20:56:00.000-06:00

I gained one pound this week. Honestly I'm just glad it was only one pound. I'm in a vicious cycle of feeling crappy, feeling down because I feel crappy, then eating dark chocolate to elevate my mood. I STILL have a horrible headache. Two weeks later. The nausea and dizziness are slowly dissipating, but sometimes flare up if I do too much. It's really frustrating and I'm having a hard time. I have to get an eye exam tomorrow because I'm still having blurriness in my right eye and now have a red spot in it which I'm assuming is a broken blood vessel.

So. Yeah. Sorry to be such a downer. Still.

I'm sure in the not so distant future we'll be laughing that Sofia was able to injure me THIS BADLY with her head. At the moment, though, I'm not laughing.

I did about a half hour of gentle stretching and non-inverted yoga poses today which felt really good. I'm going to stick with that and gradually increase as my head will let me.

Have a great week! I'm winging it on meals again. My brain isn't working well enough to plan ahead.

Vegan Mashed Potatoes

2011-04-07T17:48:00.001-06:00

I didn't pay attention to amounts. Sorry. I tend to just wing it. But I wanted to share my concoction because it turned out really good. And, I noticed that when I googled "vegan mashed potatoes" most of the recipes call for soy milk and/or butter substitute that has soy, which stinks for those of us who avoid or are allergic to soy. I had made vegan mashed potatoes in the past with rice milk and didn't like them. Coconut milk was much better. Don't worry, it didn't taste coconutty at all! All measurements are approximate, and I guesstimated on the low end so if it's not creamy enough add a bit more coconut milk:

3 large potatoes; peeled, cut up, and boiled until soft
1/3 C So Delicious unsweetened coconut milk
1/4 C olive oil
A few cranks of freshly ground black pepper to taste
Sea salt to taste

I use a handheld mixer to blend it all up and make them nice and fluffy.

Oh, and wanted to add that I do eat potatoes occasionally now. I didn't for a very long time when I first started out. But now I will have a small amount in a well balanced meal. Tonight we also had organic turkey and a large spinach salad.

Mindful Mondays: Love

2011-04-04T14:05:00.000-06:00

Love. Love settles my soul.

Love lifts me from where I was lying

And love takes me home.

Love. Love cuts through the pain.

Love pardons my weakness

And somehow love covers my shame.

Lyrics from a beautiful song written by my brother, Mark. He and my other brother, Jon, are a part of a band called Mestizo. I've given away their CD's here on the blog before, and they just became finalists in a really cool contest - please check it out and vote for them HERE. The song I quoted above is not the song for the contest. I've just got love on the brain today. And patience. Trying to love myself enough to have the patience to let my brain heal.

I just went to Costco and it was quite the feat. I forgot about lugging heavy stuff and was getting really bothered by the blurriness in my right eye. I need to go to another grocery store too but I think I'll wait until Alex is home and can accompany me.

I think I might try to snag a little nap if the child will entertain herself for a bit.

Are you showing yourself some love today? I hope so. You are worth it.

2011 Update #9/Meal Plan April 3-9

2011-04-03T20:44:00.000-06:00

Down to 149lbs. I am encouraged, considering I only got to exercise once last Monday before whacking heads with my kid and putting myself out of commission. I'm very frustrated that the concussion symptoms are at about the same level that they've been all week. I don't have time for this! I'm still dizzy, nauseous, have a horrible headache, and am having weird emotional symptoms. I know I need to rest and let my brain heal, and I will, but it's really hard when just trying to walk slowly up and down my block on Friday resulted in feeling really yucky. Even folding a few loads of laundry resulted in feeling really yucky. Today I did nothing but watch TV shows and movies on Netflix.

I think I'm going to wing it this week as far as meals go. If I come up with a more concrete plan in the next couple of days I'll post it.

Green Smoothies

2011-03-31T13:37:00.000-06:00

I've been enjoying one almost daily! It's a great way to get a lot of produce into your diet. I could graze on everything I put in a smoothie throughout the day, but I find it's easier to just blend it up and drink it and count it as a meal.

I have been putting one green apple, one carrot, about 1/2 C of frozen blueberries, strawberries, or cherries, about 2 C spinach, a stalk of celery, a serving of Nutiva Hemp Protein powder, 2 T aloe vera juice, 1 T flax oil, and about 3 C So Delicious unsweetened coconut milk. It's not sweet. If you like sweet add more fruit and less veggies! The taste grows on you, though. I actually find this combo really light and refreshing.

What to Wear Wednesdays: A Helmet

2011-03-30T19:23:00.000-06:00

I had grand plans of having my eldest daughter take some pictures of me in some cute spring ensembles today, and instead spent my morning in the ER. Good times. On Monday I was swinging the smaller kid upside down, brought her up way too fast and we smacked heads really hard. It hurt me so badly that I kept asking her if she was okay. She simply giggled and said, "I'm FINE, Mom!" She has a really hard head.

I practically passed out and had a headache for the rest of the evening. Then on Tuesday the pain got increasingly worse, I felt nauseated and dizzy, and my ear started ringing really loudly. This morning I woke up in even more pain and thought I was going to throw up, in addition to increased dizziness, trouble thinking of the words I wanted to say, and fuzzy vision in one eye. I called my doctor and they said, "Get thee to the hospital ASAP." So I did. Luckily my brain is not bleeding, but I obviously have a significant concussion.

I am so bummed to have another setback! Clearly jumping on my Cellerciser is not going to be a good idea for at least a couple of weeks. Ugh. I'm going to try walking at a moderate pace as soon as the pain and nausea subside, but for now I'm resting.

I'm trying to think of any fun fashion-y news to share...I finally bought new sports bras that fit properly! That was fun and exciting. I got some new workout capris as well. Everything I had was purchased when I first started out and was way too large.

That's all I got. I'm going to go lie down.

Hope you all are having a better Spring Break than I!!

Oh wait! I forgot about these pictures of some recent Goodwill finds:

Really cool silver bracelet

Cool Art Deco bracelet

Pretty ring

And my hardheaded child, but I didn't find her at Goodwill.

Mindful Mondays: I'm Not Feeling It Today

2011-03-28T18:45:00.000-06:00

If nothing else, I'm honest, right?? I am HATING my face right now. Story of my life. I had high hopes that The Candida Cure, and particularly going off dairy, would generate some good results as far as my acne is concerned. Yet I'm having the worst breakout I've had in quite some time. I've been on the diet for 3 full weeks now, and granted I've got my period and usual hormonal breakout, but it's even worse than that. I suppose it could be that "worse before better" phenomenon that is often touted with numerous acne cures, and I know I should wait it out and give it at least a full 6 weeks. But it's HARD. Especially considering I always give everything at least a full 6 weeks, and have had many experiences of "worse and then worse still." Sometimes trying a new product or medication has resulted in it taking 2-3 months to get my skin back to the moderate acne level.

Sorry to burden you all with my skincare woes, which I know you've heard before. It's just got me down today. I feel SO GREAT in every other area of my life. Why can't I get rid of this?!?!

Sad Beth today. I'll try to be more encouraging, uplifting and mindful next week. Promise.

Meal Plan: March 28-April 3

2011-03-27T21:49:00.000-06:00

It's Spring Break!! Woohoo! I'm hoping to do some fun outings with my girls this week - possibly hiking, a trip to the zoo, and maybe the art museum. Should be fun!

I'm not weighing in this week as it's that time of the month. I'm going to try to up my exercise this week as I'd really like to see another loss in a week. Not drinking alcohol will probably really help. I drank this weekend. Totally frustrated with myself. I have a really hard time not drinking when others are. It's not like they're pressuring me to; I just want to have fun too! Argh.

Meal Plan:

1. Scrambled eggs w/ veggies, toast (gluten free for me)

2. Grilled chicken breasts, salad, spinach pancakes

3. Baked cod, quinoa pasta w/ sauteed veggies

4. Veggie stir fry over brown rice

Mindful Mondays: Finding Motivation on our Journey Towards Radiance

2011-03-21T13:17:00.000-06:00

How is everyone doing? I am feeling like it's hard to take care of all of the facets of me all at the same time (plus the house, and the kids, and do my job, etc.) When I'm focusing on eating well and exercising, my emotional/spiritual goals tend to take a backseat, although they are helped by taking care of my physical body because I feel better overall. It can be difficult to keep motivated in every area all the time, and I really think that's okay. It's a process, and sometimes one facet takes precedence.

I finished The Gifts of Imperfection some time ago and would like to start reading another positive self-help sort of book. Any suggestions? I need to go look at all the books on my bookshelf since I probably already have one. One of my worst habits is buying books and not reading them. Heehee.

A reader asked how I find the motivation to exercise. The short answer is: often I don't! It can be really hard to get into the habit of exercising regularly, especially when you lapse for whatever reason - sickness, injury, just don't feel like it, etc. Here are some of my tips for combating what I think are common exercise inhibitors:

1. "I'm scared and/or nervous. People will judge me." This mainly applies to going to the gym, where you will be working out with or near a bunch of strangers and potentially comparing yourself and your efforts to theirs. It can apply to other situations too, though. Try one (or all) of these:

-Go with a friend. Moral support does wonders!
-Ignore everyone. Put your earbuds in and get in your zone. Focus on you.
-Utilize positive self-talk. It really does help. "I can do this and I'm doing it for ME."

2. "I can't do it perfectly so I may as well not try." or "I can only do ___ number of minutes/miles/repetitions, which is lame and probably doesn't even benefit me."

FALSE! A little exercise is better than none, and if you keep at it you will gradually increase your ability and stamina. Don't judge your efforts as not enough; congratulate yourself on what you accomplish, even if it doesn't seem like that much. When I first started jumping on my Cellerciser, I gave myself all kinds of internal praise for each minute that I increased, and at the beginning I could only jump for a couple of minutes! I haven't tested my total endurance on it, but I bet I could jump for at least 40 minutes now. Maybe an hour.

3. "I'm too tired/lazy/don't have time." Try to make exercise a priority and then you will make time for it. Also, this is yet another area to utilize that positive self-talk. "If I do this, I'll feel better and have more energy."

I hope these tips help! They have certainly helped me. Sometimes I lack motivation, but other days I have it in abundance. I already jumped 20 minutes on my Cellerciser and I'm hoping to do a yoga video at home and maybe go walk on a treadmill at 24hr Fitness tonight. I'm exercise crazed!

How are YOU doing? Feeling radiant yet? A little shine at least?? I hope so!

2011 Update #8/Meal Plan for March 20-26

2011-03-19T10:50:00.000-06:00

150, baby!!!! I've actually been there all week. I can totally see a difference in my body just from 4lbs ago. It's crazy. That means 70lbs total and 5 more to go!! I think I might actually make my goal by the end of April. So exciting!

I tried out some classes at Tease Studio last week and really enjoyed them. I'd like to keep going but need to figure out if it's in the budget. I tried Burlesque and Cardio GoGo and both were fun. I was scheduled to try Sexy Flexy as well but Sofia is going through a major anxiety phase and flipped out that night so I had to stay home with her. I haven't been using my 24hr Fitness membership, so maybe I should do that for the next few months until it expires and then buy a punch card at Tease. We'll see.

I didn't stick to last week's meal plan very well, so I'm going to put some of those plans back in this week's rotation. I did make that Shepherd's Pie with Caramelized Onion and Sage Mashed Sweet Potatoes on top, and it was AWESOME.

For the meat layer, I browned 1lb of organic ground beef with some parsley and thyme, and sauteed a few sliced carrots, sliced celery, and chopped onion with more parsley and thyme. Mix it all together and put in a baking dish (I used an oval one.) Put a layer of the mashed sweet potatoes on top and bake at 350 for about 20-30 minutes, until edges are lightly browned. It got a little dry, so I think next time I will add a little broth to the meat mixture.

This week's menu:

#1 Chicken, cabbage, and carrots (Made this last night and there are leftovers for tonight.)

#2 Vegan green chile over eggs and sauteed veggies, refried beans

#3 Baked cod, spelt pasta with veggies

#4 Chicken spinach curry over brown rice

Just Wanted to Say Thanks!

2011-03-14T21:31:00.000-06:00

Hey Lovely Readers!

Just wanted to pause and thank you all for reading and being with me on this journey. I would love to know you all. Leave a comment and tell me a little about you, and link to your blog if you have one so I can follow you too!

You guys rock. Muah!

Oh, and side note that I just Tweeted about - if anyone knows of a gluten free bread that is also sugar and yeast free PLEASE let me know! I'm desperate for a piece of toast. And actually I'm not completely off gluten, just wheat, but I figure the vast majority of wheat free bread is gluten free. Help!

2011 Update #7/Meal Plan for March 13-19

2011-03-13T14:31:00.000-06:00

Down to 152lbs. It's a little frustrating to do a 4 day cleanse and only lose 2lbs, but I'll take what I can get. I have about 6 weeks to lose the final 7lbs that I want to. However, if I don't get there I'm not going to beat myself up. I'm trying to remember that my health is the priority.

I just found out that I'm still battling anemia, so focusing on that and some other health issues (candida and probable endometriosis) need to be my main focus. I'm going to keep eating well and exercising, and if I lose more weight, great, and if not, that's okay. I look good, dammit! And I feel good too, fatigue from anemia and pelvic pain aside. No need to obsess over the scale. Plus, I'm really loving my current wardrobe. If I drop too much weight I'll have to buy new clothes. Again.

I'm having a little difficulty coming up with this week's menu since I'm currently dairy and wheat free. This last week I drank a green smoothie every morning, and had some combination of salad, brown rice, black beans, avocado and veggies for the rest of the day. It was really good. I've now added meat back in, which is probably a good thing to combat the anemia.

So here are my ideas for this week:

#1 - Roasted chicken, broccoli, garlic carrots

#2 - Chicken noodle (brown rice or quinoa noodles) soup, salad

#3 - Vegan green chile over eggs and sauteed veggies, pinto beans

#4 - Baked cod, spelt pasta w/ veggies

#5 - Shepherd's Pie (For St. Patty's Day) - I'm going to use caramelized onion and sage mashed sweet potatoes on top instead of white potatoes.

Here's a recent photo just for fun:

A friend of ours hosted "Promcoming" for his birthday, since he was homeschooled and didn't get to go to homecoming or prom. We got all dolled up. It was fun!

Mindful Mondays: Cleansing!

2011-03-07T12:44:00.002-07:00

Here I go! I had a cup of green tea with a splash of almond milk upon rising, and now I'm chugging down my first green smoothie of the day. It tastes much better than it looks (rather brown). I'll get a picture of the next one as I can't find my camera at the moment. Here's what I did:

1 green apple, sliced (seeds and core removed)
1 small carrot, cut in chunks
1/2 C frozen blueberries
1 C coconut milk
2 big handfuls spinach
1 T aloe vera juice
1 T flax oil

If you've never tried green smoothies this is not the one to start with. It's pretty intense. I really like the apple in there, though. Tastes nice with the spinach.

I have a "Whole Juice" button on my Blendtec which blended this up nicely to a good consistency.

Anyone have any cleansing stories to share? Ever tried it? Want to try it?

I'm just doing it to clear everything out before I start The Candida Cure in a few days. I'm starting with the supplement program already. I'm going back on my Women to Women vitamins and fish oil, and am adding in some extra Vitamin C and E, as well as some Molybdenum to help with the symptoms of yeast die off. I'm supposed to take some other supplements but unfortunately I've discovered that I am having allergic reactions to anything in the Asteraceae plant family. I have known I have allergy issues with echinacea and chamomile, but apparently milk thistle too. I'm going to look into other detoxifying supplements to see if there is something I can safely take. Apple pectin is looking promising. I also can't drink the red clover tea suggested in the book because I have grass allergies. I'm going to have a cup of green tea in the mornings and then drink peppermint tea and lots of water throughout the day. I'll probably have some chai here and there as well.

2011 Update #6/Meal Plan March 6-12

2011-03-05T15:43:00.000-07:00

STILL holding steady at 154lbs. I'm a little bit frustrated, but still feeling like I'm toning up and slimming down, even if it's not showing on the scale. I must be gaining muscle. I had to retire my favorite pair of size 10 jeans because they were falling off, and went and found a size 8 at Goodwill. And the size 6 jeans that I've been saving are getting closer to fitting. So I'm seeing results; just no weight loss.

I'm making a loose plan for meals for my family this week, as I am going to do a short cleanse/fast. I feel like I need to detox a bit. I'm going to do green juices, soups, herbal teas and lots of water with lemon. I'm also considering following The Candida Cure for 90 days. I practically already do, with the exception of coffee, alcohol, milk, and wheat. I want to try going off all of them and see if it improves anything for me, particularly my skin. I get so incredibly frustrated with the fact that I've done so much to improve my health but I still have acne. I'm beyond sick of it, and hate how deeply it affects my self-esteem.

So, meals that I may or may not be eating (or just eating parts of):

1. Uncured buffalo hot dogs
whole wheat buns
salad or raw veggies

2. Black beans
Brown rice
Avocado
Homemade salsa

3. Egg scramble with veggies
Sprouted grain English muffin

Our exchange student, Fernanda, left today. We had such a wonderful time. Here are a few pics:

Mindful Mondays: Frustration and Gratitude

2011-02-28T21:10:00.000-07:00

Life has been a bit busy. I apologize for slacking off on blogging. I am getting a bit frustrated in that things keep coming up and I feel like I am either unable or don't have time to get my regular exercise in. I also quit tracking my food intake a few weeks ago, which probably wasn't the best idea. I don't think I've gained any weight, but I don't think I've lost any either. I need to get back on track. Having an exchange student has been really fun, if busy, and I need to remember that I'm getting in other types of exercise, like hiking, walking around malls and museums, dancing, and yoga classes here and there. My regular routine is just off.

Isn't weird when you feel seemingly paradoxical things at once? I'm feeling frustrated but simultaneously really grateful; grateful for my life and the people in it. Especially these people:

I'm also feeling a lot of gratitude for where I'm at. I just looked at some old photos on Facebook, and it's really weird to see the "old" me. I'm really, really happy I took this journey, and that I feel better about myself and have the energy and desire to do things like hike, walk, practice yoga, and dance.

Life is good. I'm feeling RADIANT, even in my frustration.

And the Winner Is...

2011-02-24T11:59:00.000-07:00

I used a random number generator at random.org, and the winner of the $25 Maggie's Organics gift certificate is...

Sweethaven!

Congratulations! Please email your name and address to thebethapproach@gmail.com within three days.

Thanks to everyone who entered. I am hoping to have more giveaways soon.

Product Review: Applegate Farms

2011-02-22T13:56:00.000-07:00

I was so excited to receive a couple of boxes from Applegate Farms recently. In fact, I was so excited my children were making fun of me as I gleefully opened up each box.

So much stuff! I had known that I was receiving some new products, but didn't expect to receive this amount. So cool!

They recently launched four new products:

Natural Roasted Chicken Breast

Really fresh; nice flavor. A little bit sweet, which I like. I tried a slice by itself and had a couple more on a sandwich. Delicious!

All-Pork Sliced Pepperoni

My 6-year-old is the pepperoni connaisseur in the household, and I was really surprised that she tasted a difference between this and the old version. She does eat Applegate Farms pepperoni really often, though. At first she said she didn't like it, but it's grown on her. I think she could just tell it was different, which led to instant not liking. (My kids tend to be a little resistant to change of any sort. Ahem.) I noticed the difference too, but I still think it's really good. It's a little less spicy than it used to be. I had some with cheese for a snack. Looking forward to trying it on our pita pizzas as well.

Savory Turkey Breakfast Sausage

Oh. My. Gosh. Love this stuff. It has the best flavor of any breakfast sausage I've ever tried, and I am really surprised to be saying that about a turkey sausage. It's amazing. Has a really nice blend of seasonings and has quite the spicy kick. Plus, it's got less fat and sodium than pork sausage, but just as much protein. Really, really great.

Classic Pork Breakfast Sausage

Also really good. This is, as it says, "classic." It's your basic pork breakfast sausage. Nice flavor; heats nicely in the microwave. I had some this morning for breakfast with a buckwheat waffle also from the freezer. For someone who cooks virtually every meal, I can't tell you how nice it was to throw a waffle in the toaster and a couple of sausage links in the microwave and have breakfast ready in two minutes flat!

******************

Thanks to Applegate Farms for letting me try these new products! They also sent a really great little book that the founder's wife and girls wrote and illustrated about the company. It's really cute. My favorite part was the Applegate Farms philosophy, because it has been a big part of my own journey: "Eat less meat, enjoy it more!"

Here's another book (PDF) with more info about this great company: Fifteen Things You Can Tell Your Mother About Applegate.

What to Wear Wednesdays: A Giveaway!

2011-02-16T08:40:00.000-07:00

I wanted to give a shout out to Maggie's Organics. I LOVE their sport socks, especially for jumping on my Cellerciser. They are soft, comfortable, and more padded than other socks I've tried. AND, they're made from organic cotton. Can't beat 'em!

I recently purchased a pair of Maggie's organic leggings as well, and they are also very soft and comfortable. I've given their adorable mantra socks and tie dye socks as gifts, and I just now noticed these awesome legwarmers. Those might have to be my next Maggie's purchase! In addition to loving their products, I love that Maggie's allows me to extend my support of organics to the things that I wear; not just what I eat.

So I'm sharing the love...

Up for grabs - a $25 gift certificate to Maggie's Organics.

How to enter (one entry for each of the following):

1. Leave a comment below.

2. Share this on Facebook.

3. Share this on Twitter. (Leave a link to your tweet or your Twitter profile, please.)

4. "Like" The B.E.T.H. Approach on Facebook.

5. Follow me on Twitter.

Leave a separate comment for each entry.

If I reach 100 followers in the Google sidebar to the right by the close of this giveaway, I will give away TWO $25 gift certificates.

Winner(s) will be chosen by random number generator. PLEASE LEAVE some way to contact you (preferably email address) in at least one of your entries. If a winner cannot be contacted an alternate winner will be selected.

The fine print: Open to anyone, but please be aware of Maggie's International Shipping Policies if you are outside the U.S. Entries will be accepted until Wednesday, February 23 at midnight (MST). Winner(s) will be announced by Friday, February 25. This contest is not sponsored by Maggie's Organics. I just love their products and wanted to share. According to their website, the entire value of a gift certificate must be used on one order. Winner(s) must email their name and mailing address to thebethapproach@gmail.com within three days of being announced or alternate winner(s) will be selected.

I Want to Exercise Soooooo Badly!

2011-02-13T20:31:00.000-07:00

I was so excited to get my free week at Corepower Yoga. I went twice in the first four days, and then purchased a retail item in their shop to get a second free week. That was last Saturday. Then sadly there was a death in my husband's family that night and I was asked to put together a slideshow, which I was so happy to do but of course for funerals there is a quick turnaround, which meant putting in about 25 hours of work over four days. No time for yoga. Barely time for making dinner. I did keep up with the laundry and put in my regular hours for my job (baby watching.)

The funeral was Friday morning, and I was hoping to attend a yoga class that night. However, I was extremely exhausted and emotional from the stress of the week (Alex gave me a hug and I burst into tears) so I opted to stay home and watch the first disc of Season 1 of Glee (funny show.) Then at 3am Sofia woke up puking. Fun, fun, fun. I started getting queasy around noon on Saturday. I hardly ate anything just in case, and that was a good plan, as I felt like I was going to throw up for a good 24 hours but never actually did. Right now, Sunday evening, I feel just about back to normal. I hate wasting a weekend lying around feeling miserable in bed. Our poor exchange student caught the bug too, and she was in tears because she has a limited amount of time to see and do all the things she wants to. I convinced her to just take a rest day and let her body recover, and promised to take her on today's scheduled outing later this week.

I haven't even thought about a menu for this week, and I'm not weighing in either. Too tired. I think I only have two days left on my two free weeks. Boohoo. Hopefully I can get at least one class in, but since I have to work and tomorrow is Valentine's Day and I was hoping to go out with Alex we'll see. Such is life, right?

Keepin' my chin up!

What to Wear Wednesdays: Dreaming

2011-02-09T09:35:00.000-07:00

A friend told me about this cool site: boutiques.com. You can look at photos and pick things you really like, search for fashion inspiration, pick your preferences in styles, and it will come up with shopping recommendations for you. It's really fun, and neat if you're not really sure what your style is. I've been looking at dresses because I have this lofty idea that Alex and I are going to renew our vows this summer. If money were no object, I'd get this one. Sooooo pretty.

Since I buy most of my clothes at Goodwill, I don't feel bad putting some money into shoes. I recently went shopping and couldn't believe the deals I found, and bought 5 pair of shoes in one day. Heehee. I got some trendy short boots in both black and gray ($10 each!), a pair of Earth shoes that were a really good deal but I can't decide if I like them, the turquoise Converse I showed you the other day, and a pair of navy/cream jute slip-ons which also might be going back since I can only think of one outfit that I would wear them with. I also bought a pair of silver strappy sandals online to go with the fancy dress I don't have, for the fun party that's all in my head.

I now have shoes coming out my ears, and it oddly (rightly?) makes me ridiculously happy.

Where do you find fashion inspiration? Share your info with me! I'm enjoying this fun new obsession of mine.

Mindful Mondays: Maintaining Balance

2011-02-07T19:09:00.000-07:00

One thing that has frustrated me on my journey is that my body seems to be so sensitive. Or, perhaps I am just so in tune with my body now I can really feel the effect of anything and everything that I put into it. I've mentioned before that I like to drink on occasion, which I did this weekend ($1 drinks!), and between that and the cookies my immune system took a hit and now I'm coming down with something. I've been fighting it hard with homeopathics and oil of oregano over the last couple of days though, and I think I am going to squelch it before it really takes hold.

But still, what the heck? I've heard the same thing from others who have revamped their diets and lost a lot of weight. If they have even a smidgeon of something that they cut out of their diet it has a disastrous effect in one way or another. It's kind of crazy and frustrating.

However, it is another reminder that this whole journey is about balance. Balance in eating and exercising, but also in having fun and indulging. Yesterday's nasty hangover was a nice little reminder that I disrupted the balance. Did I have fun? Yes. Could I have toned it down a bit and not had so many consequences? Yes. I'll do better next time. Maybe.

I do love to dance (and drink.)

2011 Update #5/Meal Plan for Feb. 7-13

2011-02-06T22:49:00.000-07:00

Holding steady at 154lbs. I actually weighed on Thursday and was at 153lbs, but gained a pound in two days apparently. I blame the cookies. But they were worth it. So delicious. I am also realizing that I may not see much weight loss as I increase exercise and build muscle.

I have learned throughout this journey that weight loss is not the only indicator of success. Once again my pants are getting looser, and I am excited to see a little definition in my stomach and a lot more in my arms. Hooray! Plus with yoga I am increasing my flexibility and keeping my muscles loose. I have a lot of residual pain in one shoulder from old injuries and even though I've been a bit sore after yoga I am noticing that I have better range of motion and less pain inside the joint.

Meal Plan for the week:

1. Applegate Farms roasted chicken breast sandwiches on whole grain bread
Spinach salad

2. Whole wheat spaghetti with Classico sauce
Boulder Italian Sausage (hopefully grilled)
Roasted cauliflower

3. Egg scramble with veggies
Whole grain toast or sprouted grain English muffins
Applegate Farms sausage links

I'm only planning three meals this week since we have a few events lined up that involve dinner out or with friends.

I'm Eating Cookies for Breakfast

2011-02-04T09:23:00.000-07:00

Yep, you read that right. I figured out a recipe for whole wheat agave sweetened chocolate chip cookies last night and I have had an insane amount of them in the last 12 hours. Hehe. I figure it's a rare treat so I'm just going to indulge. I put them in the freezer because I love them frozen. I'm having coffee and frozen cookies as I type.

It's important to indulge occasionally. It makes me happy and I figure as long as it's a relatively safe indulgence it won't do much harm. It's not like I'm shoving fistfuls of cake in my mouth while chugging down soda, right?

Have you indulged lately?

What to Wear Wednesdays: Layers, and Lots of 'em!

2011-02-02T12:45:00.000-07:00

I think I jinxed myself and the entire state of Colorado with my "wishing for spring" post last week. Last Friday we were sweltering in almost 70 degree heat, and now it is...0. And that's higher than it's been in over 24 hours. It is so cold. My furnace has been running nonstop. I shudder to think what our bill is going to be this month, but at least we are able to keep safe and warm.

We braved the cold yesterday to go out to lunch, and I had to laugh at the lack of fashion for the few people who were out and about. It's impossible to look cute and stay warm in this weather. People were bundled up to the max, including scarves over faces. It's hard to breathe in frigid air!

I took Sofia, my niece and nephew, and Fernanda to a Sock Hop at my niece and nephew's school on Saturday. Wanted to share a few pics: (It was fun to get dressed up 50's style!)

Mindful Mondays: I am Worthy of...

2011-01-31T08:28:00.000-07:00

We have decided that we are worthy of radiance, and discovered that our bodies are both beautiful and amazing, but what things, actual material things, are we worthy of in our process towards radiance?

Here are some of the things I've decided I am worthy of:

Whole, organic foods (even though they are expensive)
Kitchen gadgets that make it easier to cook and eat healthily
The cost of exercise equipment and my gym membership
Taking time to exercise and be active
Taking time to nurture my inner self - reading, journaling, meditating, dancing, etc.

Wearing large, glittery butterflies in my hair if I feel like it:

New shoes in my very favorite color:

What things are you worthy of?

2011 Update #4/Meal Plan Jan 30 - Feb 5

2011-01-30T15:18:00.000-07:00

I'm not weighing in this week. I'm on my period and inevitably I have a couple pounds of water weight and totally get the freak out when I weigh myself, so I decided to avoid the freak out by simply not stepping on the scale. I'll weigh and think, "Oh no! How did I gain 2lbs in a few days?" And then as soon as my period is done I'm back down. So silly. I do it every month, but no more.

I had a good food and exercise week. I jumped 3 times for 20 minutes each. The ankle weights make for a really great workout. I ate well and stayed within my carb range for the most part, so hopefully next week I'll have a loss to report. This week I'll be trying out mat Pilates with a friend, which I'm excited about.

This week's menu:

1. Egg Casserole (Didn't get to this one last week because I made Lamb & Lentil Soup.)
Whole grain toast or English muffin

2. Whole wheat spaghetti with sauce
Organic ground beef
Spinach salad

3. Uncured buffalo hot dogs
Whole wheat buns
Raw veggies

4. Chicken Curry
Brown rice
Roasted cauliflower

Some recent meals that were yummy:

Boulder Italian Sausage fried with onions and red pepper, sauteed spinach, small serving of brown rice pasta.

Pizza on a sprouted grain English muffin with Applegate Farms pepperoni, roasted broccoli and cauliflower.

Spinach salad with Kalamata olives and Organicville dressing. Went with above meal.

Lamb & Lentil Soup

2011-01-28T11:12:00.000-07:00

I made this up yesterday and it got rave reviews from the whole family and our exchange student - "Very good. How you do it? I teach my mom."

Put the following into a large slow cooker and turn on high:

1 C lentils, sorted and rinsed

2 - 32oz boxes Pacific Natural Foods organic chicken broth

In a large skillet, heat 2T coconut oil over medium heat and then saute the following veggies and seasonings for 15 minutes or so:

1 medium or large onion, chopped

5 large cloves garlic, crushed

3 medium carrots, chopped

4 stalks celery, chopped

1 large red pepper, chopped

2 t oregano

1 t cumin

1 t coriander

1 T parsley

Add to crockpot.

Add another tablespoon of coconut oil to your already hot skillet and brown:

1lb ground lamb

1 t oregano

dash of cumin

dash of coriander

Cook until no longer pink. Drain fat and then add meat to crockpot.

Leave crockpot on high for 3-4 hours, but can keep simmering on low for longer. Add salt to taste before serving. We served it with feta cheese on top. Super yum.

The coconut oil gives it a hint of sweetness. You could also garnish with hot red pepper flakes. I almost added it to the soup but it might have been too spicy for the kids.

So Totally Weird

2011-01-27T10:24:00.000-07:00

I came home yesterday to a couple of boxes on my front porch. I opened one up to see my own face staring back at me! Such a weird sensation. I'm bummed they didn't mention my blog at all in the article, since when the editor first called she told me how great it was and how it would be good to get the information out to more people. Oh well. They also promised me a CD with some of the photos so I can use them. Hopefully that's on its way.

Anyway, here it is:

Pretty fun!

What to Wear Wednesdays: Waiting (Impatiently) for Spring

2011-01-26T09:48:00.000-07:00

One of the biggest surprises to me in losing weight is that the last two years I have been excited about summer. I used to get so hot and sweaty, and hated that summer fashions meant baring more skin that I didn't want to bare. Now that I don't run quite so hot and am willing to bare more skin, I actually am looking forward to it. I was hoping to model some spring outfits that I'm looking forward to wearing, but didn't plan ahead enough to have the hubby help me with the photos. So just imagine them on me:

Vintage Montgomery Ward dress I found at Goodwill a few days ago. I was cracking up that the Goodwill I went to had a few racks of vintage clothing marked "Hipster's Paradise."

Gap shirt and Gap capris; both found at Goodwill.

Old Navy tank top and purse; not sure of skirt. Found it at Goodwill, of course.

I'm also realizing that I need to take some fashion inspiration from my daughter. This kid can put together an outfit:

Mindful Mondays: I'm Probably Going to Regret This

2011-01-24T19:40:00.000-07:00

I just ate some sugary milk chocolate. It was really delicious. I could have said no, but our exchange student from Brazil brought it for us and we already couldn't let Mikaela have it because of her peanut allergy and I didn't want half of us to turn it down. She already felt badly that Mikaela couldn't have it. I enjoyed it. I only ate a little bit, so hopefully I won't get any crazy cravings or headaches tomorrow. And I'm already really tired so I don't know if I'd be able to tell what's normal fatigue and what's from the sugar.

I've been busy, busy, busy getting ready for Fernanda's arrival, so now that she is here hopefully things will slow down a bit. I jumped on my Cellerciser today and hope to do so every day this week.

Sorry for the lame post. Next week I'll be more rested and will have something more intriguing. Promise.

Meal Plan: Jan 23-29

2011-01-23T16:44:00.000-07:00

1. Beef & Sauerkraut Soup - I've been making this recipe from Kalyn's Kitchen for awhile now and it is delicious. I need to try more of her recipes because the few that I've tried have been great.

Salad with mixed spring greens, feta, red pepper, maybe olives

Whole grain buttered toast or 1/2 sprouted grain English muffin

2. Steak

Mashed potatoes

Roasted broccoli

This meal is special request from my 12-year-old, Mikaela. "Pleeeeeease? We haven't had mashed potatoes in such a long time!" We haven't had steak in ages either because organic, grassfed beef is so expensive and we normally just get ground beef, but I saw some decent steaks at Whole Foods last night so I think we'll splurge and get a few. I have to admit it's going to be yummy.

3. Pepper jack quesadillas in whole wheat tortillas

Sauteed yellow squash, onion, garlic, and red pepper

4. Egg casserole (Not sure what I'll put in it yet - some combination of meat, veggies, and cheese.)

Whole grain waffles or toast.

What are you going to be eating this week??

2011 Update #3

2011-01-22T08:32:00.000-07:00

I happily weighed in at 153lbs on Thursday morning, but apparently I ate too much last night at my Mom's Night because I'm up to 154lbs today. So a 1lb loss for the week again. Not bad considering I hardly exercised this week. It's been a busy week getting ready to host an exchange student from Brazil who flies in on Monday. I'll get back on track once she's here and settled in.

How are you all doing with your goals for the year?

What to Wear Wednesdays: An Organized Closet

2011-01-19T09:54:00.000-07:00

I spent almost three hours on Saturday night cleaning my closet. I had been planning on going out with some friends but the urge to organize suddenly hit and I just went with it. Man, it feels good. We've lived in our house for 5 years, and this was the FIRST time that I dusted and vacuumed that closet. Gross, I know.

I had already been purging clothes since the beginning of the year, but I went through every drawer and got rid of my too big underwear and worn out socks. Woohoo! Now it makes me happy to go in there, and everything is nicely organized so it's easy to find what I need or pick something out.

Check it out:

Thoughtful Tuesdays?

2011-01-18T09:54:00.000-07:00

I'm a day behind this week. Sorry I skipped Mindful Mondays yesterday. I'm still reading The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown and still loving it. I highly recommend it.

Continuing on with the theme of worthiness and authenticity, I have made some observations in the last few weeks that I wanted to share. I've already spoken about how the internal aspect of cultivating worthiness is a very mindful and deliberate practice - batting away those negative thoughts about myself and replacing them with good ones. But I'm realizing that the outward extension, as far as my thoughts and actions concerning others, is very mindful and deliberate as well.

When I went to the gym last week (for the first time in a long time) I started to compare both my body and my yoga skills with others in the class. I had to check myself so that I could look at the woman next to me who was long, lean, and incredibly flexible with admiration and not jealousy. She's likely been doing yoga for a long time. I've done it sporadically in the past and am just getting back into it, so of course I'm not going to be perfect at it right from the start.

I also started to look at other bodies in the locker room, started to compare, and had to check myself again. Rather than having negative thoughts about my own body in comparison to others, I again decided to simply notice and admire, and think, "She looks great. Good for her!" Then I put on my swimsuit to take a dip in the hot tub, and rather than covering up with my towel as I walked out onto the pool deck I took a deep breath and walked all the way across in just my suit. May not seem like a big deal to some, but for someone who has fought body image issues her entire adult life, it's a big deal.

I also am trying to be better at accepting compliments. My husband has always told me I look like "a million dang dollars," and when he said it a few days ago instead of my usual reply of, "Whatever" or "You lie," I grinned at him and said, "FIVE million dang dollars." It can be hard when we're taught that thinking well of ourselves equals vanity, because taken to the extreme we lose our confidence. I am finding mine again, and it feels good.

Do you fall into the traps of comparison or not accepting compliments at face value? How do you combat it?

Meal Plan: Jan 16-22

2011-01-17T10:54:00.000-07:00

Getting this up a day late. Yesterday was really busy and fun. Went to see Black Swan - it was great! Here are my meal ideas for the week:

1. Whole wheat spaghetti
Boulder Sausage Italian Sausage
Sauce
Spinach salad

2. Egg and sausage breakfast burritos in whole wheat tortillas
Sauteed veggies (I've still got some yellow squash from the summer in the freezer.)

3. Soup or chili (I've got lots of veggies I can throw in, as well as organic ground beef.)
Salad

4. Pita Pizzas on whole grain pita bread
Salad or Broccoli

Have a great week! Happy MLK Day!

Spinach and Red Pepper Egg Casserole

2011-01-16T12:16:00.000-07:00

1 T olive oil
1/2 organic medium yellow onion, chopped
1 large organic red pepper, chopped
10 organic button mushrooms, sliced
6 C Earthbound Farms organic raw baby spinach
5 Applegate Farms chicken and sage sausage links, sliced - OPTIONAL - simply omit for vegetarian dish
1 C Tillamook cheddar cheese, shredded

Saute onion in olive oil over medium low heat for a few minutes. Add red pepper and mushrooms and saute a few minutes more. Add spinach and saute until wilted.

Preheat oven to 375. Grease a 8x11.5" baking dish. Put veggie mixture evenly over bottom of dish. Place sausages and cheese over top.

Whisk together:

12 Farmer's Hen House cage-free eggs
1/2 C Organic Valley whole milk
1/2 t salt
1/4 t pepper

Pour egg mixture over veggies, sausage, and cheese. Bake for 35 minutes, until top is bubbly and lightly browned and eggs are cooked through to an internal temperature of at least 160 degrees.

I ran a nutritional analysis without the sausage, and based on 8 servings. Total carbs per serving: 6g. It has 14g protein, but more if you add sausage. I didn't pay attention to calories or fat because I don't track those things - just carbs. I had a slice of toast with my serving of casserole for a total of 24g carbs.

With a slice of whole grain buttered toast - delicious!

2011 Update #2

2011-01-15T09:23:00.000-07:00

Weighed in at 155lbs this morning, for a loss of 1lb for the week and 5lbs since Jan. 1. Not bad!

I jumped on my Cellerciser twice for 20 minutes each time, and added in 2lb hand weights. It was just what I needed. Jumping has started to get pretty easy so I need that extra challenge, and I'm really looking forward to sculpting my arms a bit. I'm going to pick up some ankle weights as well. And a few new sports bras - I bought mine when I first started out and they are XL. Not doing their job for my much smaller chest, that's for sure. I need a M.

I also tried doing a video at home. I tried "Cardio Crunch: Salsa" through Netflix and was quickly reminded of why I love my Cellerciser so much. My bum knee started hurting about 25 minutes in and continued to hurt for the next three days. The Cellerciser, walking, and yoga seem to be the only things I can do that don't aggravate it. I'm hoping that as I build more strength and flexibility that will change, but only time will tell.

I also did an hour of yoga with my hubby on Thursday at 24hr Fitness. It was really great! I'm going to try to make it to that Thursday class every week. My core is a bit sore, but in a good way. I hadn't done yoga in a really long time, and I'm looking forward to making it a regular practice.

Did pretty good with food this week. My carb load was a little high for 3 of the last 7 days. Not horribly, but past my goal. I finally made it to the grocery store on Thursday and stocked up on lots of high protein foods and veggies. That should help. You can't eat what's not there!

Alright, have to get ready for a busy day! Have a great weekend.

What to Wear Wednesdays: My Fashion Ineptitude

2011-01-12T22:16:00.000-07:00

So I've been giving my 6-year-old total access to the camera. She takes at least 30 pictures a day, and uploading has become quite the game - I never know what there will be pictures of. I cracked up over this one yesterday:

So sexy right now! You see, I hate when my jeans get bunched up inside my boots or at the knees, so I've taken to just pulling my socks up over my jeans. I'm usually careful to fix them when I take my boots off but obviously I didn't yesterday since it was just us, at home, and I certainly didn't think anyone was going to take a picture of it. I didn't even notice her take it.

Mom's a dork. The truth is out.

And speaking of boots, I am really glad I kept the furry ones. They're super warm, and we've finally got winter weather.

Excuse the blurry photo. Sofia took it after I gave up on trying to figure out the self-timer.

Breakfast Ideas

2011-01-11T07:29:00.001-07:00

I usually eat eggs for breakfast, with some combination of veggies, occasionally some meat, and a whole grain. Here are some ideas:

Breakfast Burrito in a whole wheat tortilla
Open Faced Egg Sandwich
Omelet or Scramble
Egg Casserole

I keep spinach on hand all the time because it's the easiest thing to throw into the skillet and then pour a couple of eggs over the top. If I'm ambitious I'll have onion, mushroom, red pepper, zucchini, etc, cut up in the fridge and ready to go. If I'm really ambitious I'll make up an egg casserole and freeze it in individual servings that I can just pull out and pop in the microwave.

I love Applegate Farms meats. I get the frozen sausage links, turkey bacon, and sometimes the frozen organic breakfast sausage if I'm planning to make breakfast burritos for the whole family.

I generally pick one from the following carb options:

1/2 English Muffin
1 slice toast
1 whole wheat tortilla
1/2 bagel
1 serving or 1/2 serving whole grain, unsweetened cereal

Yesterday's breakfast - burrito with eggs, sausage, spinach, and cheese.

Menu Change!

2011-01-10T17:20:00.000-07:00

There wasn't enough chicken leftover from last night to do stir fry tonight, but I pulled a bag of frozen turkey out of the freezer and am making Turkey Noodle Soup instead. I made chicken stock overnight in the crockpot. Super easy - just put your chicken carcass and some veggies in, turn it to low and leave it all night. Then strain in the morning. So I used the stock, the leftover carrots, celery and onion, and put in the turkey and some brown rice noodles. It's on the stove now. Smells great!

Mindful Mondays: You are Beautiful

2011-01-10T08:36:00.000-07:00

I would like to stay on the topic of self-love and claiming worthiness for a while, because it is so important and because it can take time to cultivate a loving attitude toward ourselves. I came across this quote several months ago and wrote it out on a notecard and put it on my bulletin board so I have the constant reminder:

Be gentle with yourself, learn to love yourself, to forgive yourself, for only as we have the right attitude toward ourselves can we have the right attitude toward others.

~Wilfred Peterson

Isn't that powerful? I know I am often my own harshest critic, and this reminds me to treat me in the same way I treat others. I am way harder on myself than I am on anyone else. And while sometimes it can be healthy to give yourself a push in the right direction, constant self-criticism can be damaging.

I have an exercise for you - a creative and mental one. It's very powerful and I would absolutely love if you would share your results with me by emailing a picture of your finished product to thebethapproach@gmail.com and stating whether you give permission for me to post it here on the blog. I did this with my girls a few months ago and it was really fun and extremely comforting and affirming.

Here it is:

1. Draw a picture of yourself. (I am obviously not an artist, but don't let that hold you back. Just do it.)

2. Write out all the things you love about yourself.

3. Hang it up somewhere where you can look at it often.

If you are reluctant to draw a picture of yourself just skip that part and write out everything you love about you. I am a very reluctant artist since I have always believed I'm not good at it, but I'm finding that every time I just draw, or paint, or create, it becomes easier and more fluid. Let go of that self-criticism and just go with the flow!

I really hope some of you will do this. At the very least it will put a smile on your face and you'll get a warm, fuzzy feeling like you just gave yourself a hug, and at best it might even change your life.

You are beautiful and your body is amazing. Believe it.

Meal Plan: Jan 9-15 (Plus Snack and Treat Ideas)

2011-01-09T11:49:00.001-07:00

Here are some things that I eat for snacks:

Organic string cheese
Organic beef jerky
Organic raw almonds
Raw veggies with almond butter or Organicville dressing to dip
Cottage cheese
Applegate Farms pepperoni or turkey (sometimes with a slice of cheese)
Cheese with whole grain crackers

And here are some treat ideas:

Organic raw almonds (1oz is about 24 almonds) + 2T Sunspire grain sweetened chocolate chips
3 squares of Chocolove dark chocolate (I love the almonds and sea salt one!)
Apple and almond butter
1/2 banana and almond butter
1/4 C Coconut Bliss ice cream (add nuts for protein)

Meal Plan for Jan 9-15:

1. Roast Chicken w/ carrots, celery, onion, garlic, butter and sage
Spinach salad w/ Organicville dressing or olive oil and balsamic vinegar
1/2 English muffin or 1 slice bread

2. Chicken stir fry (using leftover chicken) w/ Costco stir fry frozen veggies
Brown rice

Beth's Stir Fry Sauce

1/4 C sesame oil

1/4 C wheat free soy sauce

1/4 C chicken or veggie broth

1/2 t dried ginger

2 cloves garlic, crushed

Juice of 1/2 lemon

1 T agave

1 T cornstarch

Combine all ingredients in a bowl and whisk. Add to hot stir fry and heat through. Should thicken up quickly. Can half the recipe if desired. This was for a large skillet full of veggies.

3. Bean or egg burritos in whole wheat tortillas w/ green chile
Sauteed yellow squash, onion, and garlic w/ oregano

Easy Green Chile:

1 T olive oil

4-6 cloves garlic, minced or crushed

1 medium onion, chopped

About 1 T dried oregano

About 1 t dried cumin

10-12 green chilies, chopped

Cornstarch (usually about 2 T)

About 16oz chicken broth, veggie broth, or water

Salt & pepper to taste

Saute the onion and garlic in the olive oil over medium heat for 5-10 minutes. Add the spices and green chilies and saute a bit longer. Add all but 1/2 C of liquid and bring to a boil. Put cornstarch in remaining liquid and mix well, then add and stir well. Let boil for a minute or two, then reduce heat and simmer to desired consistency.

4. Whole wheat spaghetti w/ organic ground beef and sauce
Salad or broccoli

2011 Update Numero Uno

2011-01-08T11:21:00.000-07:00

Well, I didn't do as well as I wanted to with exercise this week. I jumped twice on my Cellerciser but didn't make it to the gym. I get gym anxiety when I haven't been in a long time. I know in my head that it's really silly of me, but I do. I want someone to go with me as I ease back into going. I wanted my husband to go to Zumba or "Cardio Dance Party" with me but he absolutely refused. I will make it next week. Promise.

The good news is that I did really well with eating and upping my water intake, and I am happily surprised that I am down to 156lbs! That's a 4lb loss. I really wasn't expecting that.

Anyone else have updates to share?

OMG! It Fits.

2011-01-07T07:00:00.001-07:00

I have been hanging on to a few formal dresses for years. The dress I wore to "Spring Banquet" my senior year of high school (no prom at Christian school, ya know), my wedding dress, and my bridesmaid dress from my brother's wedding.

I tried on the two non-wedding dresses just for fun and they fit!

Such great memories - it was my first big date with Alex!

More great memories of my brother's wedding!

Sofia was so jealous of my "big, puffy, yellow dress" when I came down the stairs, and she made me dance with Alex, spin, walk, jump, and tried to make me run but I refused. She then demanded that she be in the pictures too and she told me how to pose:

I am going to give them away because I assume that while Sofia may desperately want them at age 6 she probably won't at age 18. And the blue one has shoulder pads, for gosh sakes!

One of My Best Tips!

2011-01-06T07:21:00.000-07:00

I have been doing this since I started jumping on my Cellerciser, but I realized I haven't shared it. I just Tweeted it for those who are following me there. (@bethapproach)

But here it is: Make playlists that are the length of time you want to jump. That way you're not watching the clock. You can just get in your groove and go. It helps for other types of exercise as well. I know my speed with walking, which is about a 13 minute mile, so if I want to go 3 miles I will make a 45 minute playlist.

I have several playlists going right now, and I regularly change them up so I don't get bored. I title them with "Trampoline - __ min."

And in fact, I'm going to jump right now. I think I'll aim for 20 minutes today!

What to Wear Wednesdays: Love Yourself? Love Your Wardrobe.

2011-01-05T18:17:00.000-07:00

I'm cleanin' out my closet! I want to love everything in it, and I want it all to fit. I am realizing that I went through a phase in my weight loss journey where I bought things simply from the sheer excitement that they fit. I was also trying to find my style as I shrunk. While cleaning out my closet this week I noticed there were several items that I bought within the last year that I wore once or not at all. Luckily I didn't put a ton of money into it since I mainly shop at Goodwill.

So I'm clearing out the old to make room for the new. I have a few goal pieces that I picked up recently at Goodwill. A pair of "Seven" jeans in a size 28, and a pair of Gap jean capris in size 6. I can get them both on and buttoned but they're snug.

There are some things I'm getting rid of that I really love, but they are now too big. I am thanking them for serving me well and sending them on their way! Bye, clothes!

The reindeer were for an "ugly Christmas sweater" event last year. Promise.

I have to make room for new, smaller stuff, like these cute tank tops I found at Old Navy the other day:

I know it sounds cheesy, but I drifted off to sleep last night thinking about what I'll wear for my birthday in May, when I will have hopefully reached my ultimate goal weight. Kind of silly, but motivating! I can't wait.

I'm Not Perfect, and That's Okay

2011-01-04T11:50:00.000-07:00

For any newbies I wanted to refer back to these two posts: Keep on Keepin' On and Redefining Your Relationship With Food.

Yesterday I did not stay within my allotted carb range. But that's okay.

"Tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it."

(One of my favorite quotes - from Anne of Green Gables.)

And really, they weren't mistakes. They were well thought out decisions. We have had a friend visiting from out of town and she leaves today. Last night was our "last hurrah," and we all had a couple of drinks to lament the fact that the snowboard I bought my husband for Christmas got stolen yesterday. Yeah. Seriously. So sad. He got to use it all day Sunday and half the day yesterday. And now it's gone. I got a great deal on it but it was still a bit of a splurge and the only gift I got him.

So I gave in to a little emotional alcohol intake. And today I'll be back on track.

Life goes on.

Mindful Mondays: You are Worthy of Radiance

2011-01-03T10:24:00.000-07:00

This is extremely important and the absolute first step as we move towards our radiant selves. I truly believe that in order to improve ourselves we have to first accept ourselves now, just as we are. NO CONDITIONS. NONE. Don't say, "I love me, except for..." Just say, "I love me." Actually, don't just say it. Yell it. Right now. "I LOVE ME!" I don't care if you're in the middle of Starbucks or at home with your family. Yell. How does it feel?

This was key for me. I was about 3 months into my weight loss journey when I had a huge "aha moment" concerning my own value - Enough is Enough: My Journey Towards Self-Love. Without that moment, I don't know that I would have been successful on this journey. It's that essential.

It still kind of gives me chills to read it again, because I feel that sense of love and worthiness wash over me anew. And the cool thing is, I have done so many of those things that I wrote about. I quit reading the magazines that make me feel badly about myself, I got a tattoo, I love having my picture taken, I wear what I want to, I think of comfort above fashion (most of the time - I've gotten pretty adept at achieving both at once though), I wear my stretch marks like a badge of honor, I've quit making denigrating remarks about my body, and I model confidence for my daughters.

As I mentioned in the jumping off post for Operation: RADIANT, I am reading The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown. I'm only on chapter three, but I have found myself thinking, "YES! Exactly. Right on." One little sentence, or actually partial sentence, this morning really struck me:

...we need to understand when and why we hustle for worthiness rather than claim it...

Worthiness has to be claimed.

So claim it.

Right now.

I have found that it is a very mindful and deliberate practice. After I had my aha moment it wasn't immediately second nature. I had to make it a practice. As negative thoughts and judgments came up about myself I had to deliberately and sometimes forcefully push them away and replace them with good thoughts. I wrote about that more in this post: From the Inside Out.

Here is a photo from a couple of months ago, that I know before going on this journey I would have shunned as not good enough. My 6-year-old took it. It's a little blurry and too close-up, and you can see my scars and wrinkles and still unruly hair. But you know what? I love it. Because it's me. Just as I am.

So your assignment for this week is to love yourself and believe yourself worthy. You may want to do some journaling, meditation, or even chanting of positive affirmations. You'll know when you've got it. As your love for you washes over your body and into your heart you may feel completely overwhelmed. That's okay. Go with it. Cry if you need to. Shout for joy. Hold yourself or let a loved one hold you.

You are worthy of radiance. Claim it.

Tracking Carbs/Exercise/Water

2011-01-02T20:12:00.000-07:00

I wanted to share what I am doing. You should do whatever works best for you. I know there are cool online tools for this sort of thing, but I am from the Stone Age and don't mind just jotting stuff down in one of the cute little notebooks my hubby got me for Christmas. Also evidence that I am from the Stone Age: I can't for the life of me figure out where the turned version of these photos are on my hard drive. So you get them sideways. But you get the idea.

I write down what I ate and the amount of carbs, make a note of exercise (T - 10min means I jumped on my Cellerciser for 10 minutes) and I also track my water intake on the far right by just making a hash mark for each cup of water I drink.

That was just the beginning of Jan. 1st, and this is what the completed list looked like, since a lot of people have asked for an overview of what I eat in a day. I would only write down items with carbs, but I've been writing down everything so that I could report it to you guys:

Coffee w/ milk (I put 1/4 C milk in 8oz coffee.) 3g
2 eggs
2 T salsa 2g
1/2 banana 13g
1oz organic beef jerky
Bison burger
Slice of cheddar
2 slices tomato 1g
One leaf lettuce - negligible amount
1/2 C pork green chile ?
1/2 C cottage cheese - 3g
About 20 sweet potato fries ~20g
Handful tortilla chips w/ salsa ~12g
2 jalapeño poppers 1g (about 1T cream cheese)
Decaf coffee w/ milk 3g

Total Carbs - 58g - So even if my estimate for the sweet potato fries is a little off and I don't know how many carbs were in the green chile I'm still likely right at or below my goal of 75g.

Breakfast!

Snack!

Dinner out! I didn't eat the pickles or onion. And actually I only ate about 3/4 of the burger and green chile.

These are not the fries I ate; just how the plate looked when I remembered to take a picture.

Only breakfast and dinner that day since we got up really late. Let me know if this is helpful and I'll try to do some more reports of what I eat in a day.

Meal Plan: Jan 2-8

2011-01-02T19:44:00.001-07:00

The way that I do meal planning is to look through what I've got in the refrigerator, freezers, and pantry, then write down 4-5 meals for the week and make a shopping list if there are items that we need. We generally eat leftovers twice and go out once per week. I don't do a rigid plan that this meal will be on this particular day. I just reference my list in the morning and pick which meal I'd like to make for that night. So, for this week, we'll be having:

Meal One:

Whole Wheat Spaghetti
Sauce w/ lots of added spinach
Organic ground beef seasoned w/ basil, oregano, salt, pepper

We actually had this tonight and I would have liked to also have a salad but I didn't make it to the store today. I brown the meat thoroughly and add the seasonings, throw a bunch of spinach in and let it wilt down, then pour in a jar of Classico tomato basil sauce and heat through. Then I am careful to have just a small serving of spaghetti and about 1/2 C of sauce. The spaghetti package says there are 33g Total Carbs per serving, and that there are 9 servings in the package. But we tend to get at least 15 servings out of one package, so that comes out to roughly 20g per serving. 1/2 C of sauce has 9g carbs. So I just write down 30g carbs for the meal in my little notebook.

Meal Two:

Scrambled Eggs
Waffles
Organic Breakfast Sausage

Meal Three:

Uncured hot dogs (I'll have mustard and sauerkraut on mine.)
Whole wheat buns
Raw veggies (Likely carrots and celery and I'll make a homemade dip.)

Meal Four:

Whole roasted free range, antibiotic free chicken
Whole grain bread or brown rice
Roasted beets
Beet greens with onions, garlic, and lemon juice

Meal Five:

Free range, antibiotic free turkey (Leftover from Thanksgiving. I froze meal size portions.)
Sweet potatoes
Salad, likely with feta and walnuts and Organicville dressing

And the Winner Was...

2011-01-02T00:54:00.000-07:00

So we actually ended up staying in on New Year's Eve and just had a few close friends over. We had a dance party for the half hour leading up to ringing in 2011. It was super chill and fun, and since we were at home I went with super casual attire.

I had a couple of cocktails and a glass of champagne at midnight, and we made jalapeño poppers. It was really fun!

I forgot to get a pic after they were baked; they just looked much crispier.

Dancin' the night away!

Happy New Year!

We did, however, go to a party on the 1st and I went with Casual Option A. I changed it up a bit with leggings and a skirt instead of jeans. I think it looked good:

I didn't drink any alcohol at the party and I was proud of myself. I have also only skipped one day of flossing since I posted my goals. I'm doin' good.

Later today I'll have a post with my meal plan for the week!

Operation: RADIANT

2011-01-01T09:00:00.013-07:00

I'd like to jumpstart weight loss again and start working towards my goals for the year, so I thought I'd start The B.E.T.H. Approach again from scratch and let you all join in if you'd like. I've also been following the Own Your Beauty initiative on BlogHer and loving it - you all should definitely check it out. Sally McGraw wrote this great article that really resonated with me - Expressive Dressing: Look Good With What You've Got. I loved one quote so much that I wrote it out on a 3x5 notecard and affixed it to my white board right by my computer:

It gave me a great idea. 2011 is going to be the year of Operation: RADIANT. I have both internal and external goals that I want to accomplish. I feel like I'm well on my way, and that ultimately it's likely more about the journey than the destination, but even though I'm really happy with who I am and where I'm at, there's always room for improvement and making myself even prouder of me than I am at this moment.

I'll have to see what works best as far as posting, but at the moment I'm thinking that I'll post my meal plan for the week on Sunday, and an exercise update every Saturday with what I accomplished for the week. I'll continue with Mindful Mondays to delve even deeper into the internal aspect of a journey towards self-acceptance and authenticity, and What to Wear Wednesdays for the fun, fashionable external side, and hopefully intersperse some recipes and general updates here and there.

Please feel free to jump in at any point during the year, and please comment and add your own plans, ideas, recipes, suggestions, and questions. *Comment on this post if you plan to join in.

I'm going to keep my carbs to 75g/day or less. That allows me to have one small carb option per meal and likely a piece of fruit or little treat like a couple of squares of dark chocolate each day. I find that once I really get going and am eating really well I don't necessarily even need a daily treat. But I'm going to leave that wiggle room in there just in case. Remember, if you subtract dietary fiber to come up with a "net carbs" number, you'll need to have a lower daily carb allotment. I just go with whatever it says next to "Total Carbohydrates" on the nutrition info. It's easier for me. I don't like keeping track of a lot of numbers or counting calories. I feel one can quickly get too obsessive that way.

As I mentioned in my goals post, I will be abstaining from alcohol for at least the month of January. If I do add it back in after that I will be sure to count those carbs.

I'll be utilizing the links to the right quite often and hope you will too! Check out my Cheat Sheet for a quick, go-to guide. As I mention in my Tips for Getting Started, I'll be focusing heavily on the food part for the month of January. I will be exercising but starting out slowly since I'm still trying to get my iron levels back up. I think by mid-February I'll be back to exercising in full force.

I'm starting out at 160lbs, which is 7lbs up from my lowest weigh in of 153lbs. My goal is to get down to 145lbs by my two year anniversary at the end of April. 15lbs in 4 months is really doable - about 1lb/week.

As part of my journey towards internal radiance (which I'm sure we all know radiates to the outside) I've just started The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown. If anyone wants to read along and discuss just say so in the comments.

Here's to us in 2011! Be RADIANT with me!

*Please see disclaimer at the bottom of the page if you do plan to follow along. Just a reminder that I am NOT a professional anything and please consult your doctor before starting this or any other diet and exercise plan.